Dinner Redesigned

“May you live all the days of your life ~ Jonathan Swift

Most restaurants in the UK don’t have “doggie” bag, as taking home restaurant food is seen as a bit gauche in many places outside of the U.S. It’s an American Puritan idea, eating everything on one’s plate, and not wasting even restaurant food which is somewhat of a luxury. It’s also a ridiculous euphemism, as most of us just eat the portion belonging to the alleged “doggie” for lunch the next day… Anyway, if you’re lucky enough to be at a restaurant that also does take-out, they’re perfectly willing – though admittedly confused – to box up your leftovers and let you take it with you.

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On our weekly jaunt to the Big G, we take advantage of the cheap and excellent tapas at Cafe Andaluz or the specials at Sarti’s. This week we miscalculated hunger vs. time in which to eat, but were lucky enough to take one entree away with us. A lovely stuffed pepper gave us instant inspiration for supper the following night.

At home, we had leftover brown lentils, seasoned only lightly, and added chopped fresh green onions. We added the pepper stuffed with the very luxurious ratatouille made traditionally with tomatoes, garlic, onions, zucchini, eggplant, bell peppers, marjoram, basil, and thyme. There seemed to be some sort of a creaminess to it that we couldn’t account for – maybe from a randomly added carrot? Maybe just tons of olive oil? Who knows – it was amazingly good. We added black pepper and a bit of grated sharp cheese – a dry Parmigiano would have been great, but we only had white cheddar – and tucked it into a leftover bit of pastry from the freezer. Thirty minutes later, we had a really tasty meal.

(ASIDE: Does anyone make their own ratatouille at home? We’re going to need to work on perfecting our own – this was a better one than we’d had in a restaurant in a long time. One reason possibly was because the pieces were cut into bite-size bits, yet nothing was overdone. The other may have been that it had clearly been drained after simmering, so it wasn’t watery, and was somehow both creamy and not oily. The Complete Robuchon advises each vegetable be sauteed separately for best results; we’ll have to experiment and see if we can recreate this…)

We, like so many other of our friends, are still using up stuff from the freezer from the holidays. The great January tradition of “first footing” (which starts officially at the New Year, but really just carries on throughout the holidays) means that drop-in visits from friends are fairly common. When you have people come over and tell you, “oh, we didn’t get around to having lunch,” and you get to put together a meal in just a few minutes, shortcuts like frozen dough and Tesco’s store-brand (surprisingly – far tastier and well and away less expensive than Quorn) frozen veggie chicken filets are really nice to have, and were happily on special. Because it is much more common in the UK to eat a meat main course with some kind of jam — mint with lamb, various cuts and cookings of beef with … er… various jammy things — around the holidays there were some great prices on preserves, too, including our favorite French and fruit-juice sweetened jams from St. Dalfour.

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St. Dalfour has some imaginatively weird flavors for their spreads – kumquat, royal fig, cranberry/blueberry, raspberry/pomegranate, and pineapple/mango. Clearly, not every one of their blends is a hit (cran/blue tastes to us like cough syrup), but D. rather likes their marmalade, so when T. saw marmalade with ginger, it sounded like a good idea at the time.

It ….er, wasn’t. Not on toast, anyway. Nor did the orange and ginger match well with peanut butter in a sandwich (although, inexplicably, ginger and peanuts go perfectly well in Thai food). It went slightly better with cream cheese – the bite of the ginger somewhat ameliorated, allowing the flavor of citrus peel to come through – but it was not winning a lot of friends at our house. Somewhat miffed at this, it languished in the fridge, until T. determined to use it in a savory application. The first jar found new life on a crock-pot baked gluten roast, which was baked atop apples and onions — very tasty.

The second jar graced us last night for an impromptu dessert. T. took some old and not-very-sweet blueberries — far too early to have any flavor, but bought on a desperate I-need-summer impulse — combined them with leftover container of half-fat créme fraiche, added the harshly flavored jam, and tucked it into the other half of the pastry crust, and — voila, and wow. The ginger shards softened under the influence of the blueberries; the créme fraiche set up as a light custard, and the berries – tasteless and drying out from having sat in the fridge – plumped, taking on the ginger and citrus flavor, and somehow becoming creamy and toothsome, and, dare we say, “moreish?” (We had to say that – our friend Jac says it all the time, and it always makes us smile. All food has certain elements of “more-ish-ness,” but desserts… well, they’re more moreish. That’s just how it is.)

Rustic Blueberry Creme Pie

All of us create the most mundane alchemy in our kitchens on a daily basis, combining and recombining basic ingredients into surprising magic. Though we’ve been marginal food bloggers for years – granted, since the move to Scotland and the whole PhD thing, it’s been much less food, and much more “Oh, my goodness, Scotland,” — it’s funny how it often doesn’t occur to us to really blog about the “normal” things we make. Eh, crock pot roasted gluten? Meh, that was just Tuesday dinner. Roasted broccoli with pumpkin seeds and toasted sesame? Our usual side on Fridays. A great sandwich with shredded carrots and Moroccan mint hummus and slivers of apple and cranberry studded cream cheese? Red pepper pesto stuffed celery? Well… that was just lunch on a regular weekday. We only just remembered to take a picture of these “rustic” (READ: Slapdash) pies because we’re once more trying to pay careful attention to the food that we eat, and make it memorable in flavor and appearance and be sure it’s worth the calories expended. Part of living “all the days of your life” is taking the time to actually look at what’s before you. So, we hope to remember now and then to look more closely, and to share what we’re looking at with you.

This rustic pieces baked beautifully. Next time we’ll let the savory one brown up a bit more – but we were quite proud of it, as it looked a bit like something one could get in a restaurant with a bit of radicchio and curly endive on the side. The peppers, eggplant, zucchini and tomatoes just merged so harmoniously with the lentils– and had unusual flavors and textures as well. It was, in a word, yummy.

We ate all the lentil pie in one go, but prudently divided the smaller blueberry dish into four pieces, so we’ll have another piece tonight while T. has her writing group, and D. sits and finishes the last of his dissertation corrections – three more days on that. T. is actually planning to seek out those less popular St. Dalfour jams, and see what else she can do with them. Really – kumquats. What don’t they go with??

Until next time we dig through the leftovers…

A Boon for Armchair Travelers

Admittedly, Google is usually viewed as an Evil Overlord by techies. Their multiple and egregious stances on privacy policy — they’re against much, and tend to sell user information to marketers — their attempts at shoving everyone into using Google+ — because we’re logged on to the Search Engine so much, we’ve gotten used to them — their role in quietly and thoroughly suppressing Blogger-based blogs in various countries — in accordance with those country’s laws, yes, but it’s amazing how they are very lawful about China, whereas Japan and Germany don’t want their neighborhoods photographed for the maps, and yet …they’re photographed. Hmmm. — their buying up of every small tech company in sight — these and legion other issues cause most of the tech-savvy to cock a wary eye in Google’s direction, as we do. HOWEVER, periodically, Google does something awesome. No, not just the Google Doodles which are so unnecessarily wonderful. No! This is something even better! They’ve given University alumni The Cloisters, and the rest of the University of Glasgow — forever.

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People see the Google Maps cars going by, and know that their particular stretch of territory is being photographed to join the massive world map that Google has created — but previously, they only mapped places by car. Now, they’ve taken to hauling out the cameras and heading for walkways and ducking into public corridors. Thus, a labeled map, with details of University buildings and contact information is now available, as is an eye-level view of the West Quad, which houses the University Chapel, where many a lovely musical evening has been spent, as well as The Cloisters, our very favorite spot on the whole of the campus, other than the bell tower (and we defy a Google camera person to go up all hundred and forty plus narrow stairs toting camera equipment — it looks like they do the photography on a bike. Periodically you see a glimpse of a helmet in the bottom of the picture. And then it vanishes. Spooky!). You can see just about everywhere we’ve walked around, where D’s taken classes, and the whole, beautiful, historical campus. It’s a lovely, sunny — rare, rare, rare — day when they photographed it as well.

Google is still the Evil Overlord – seriously. We’ll never take that for granted. But they take pretty pictures.

(cross-posted at T’s blog) “Nor any bounds, bounding us”

I know it not, O Soul;
Nor dost thou—all is a blank before us;
All waits, undream’d of, in that region—that inaccessible land.
– Toward The Unknown Region, from Whispers of Heavenly Death, by Walt Whitman

Walt Whitman had the loveliest sense of adventure about death, and so it is with that sense that we – for real this time – break the metaphorical champagne bottle on the ship that takes our grandmother off on her next adventure. We believe that the first leg of the journey is sleep, a deep and restful recompense for all of the years of work and toil and worry…for The Depression. For The Wars. For the peace that she rarely had. And then, when we can all be together, the voyage will continue to …somewhere, where, as Jane Kenyon says, God is, as advertised, mercy clothed in light.

That’s a good thought on which to set sail.

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Field Trip: Whole Foods, Giffnock

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Though it opened in the south of Glasgow in November, it was kind of inevitable that we should go eventually. Despite the distance, we had a perfectly good excuse — we have friends who live that direction in Glasgow, and so we had the perfect excuse to pop in for a cuppa after a grueling trek through packed aisles, doing our marathon shopping session. Or something like that.

Ah, Whole Paycheck. We mock you with this name, and we’d all but stopped shopping with you in the U.S. (you do have some shoddy labor issues in the U.S. inexcusable ones, we thought at the time), but it was a treat to see you again. The eternal sameness of each and every WF in the world really closed the distance between Home & Abroad for us. To walk in was amusing, because somehow, it even smelled the same.

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There was the same complete and utter disregard for traffic flow, which put all the cool produce against one wall – creating the selfsame traffic jam in the produce section that happens in every WF in the world, it seems — there were the same fun and creative chalk-on-slate aisle marker illustrations (T. briefly met the guy who does them, who is our friend AB’s neighbor, the lucky, lucky man), product samples that you didn’t need (Hi Wee Fudge folks! We love you!) but take anyway, incomprehensibly expensive items like £12.99 sorbet, and £8 for two ounces of pine nuts, bottles and bottles and bottles and bottles of beverages to take the place of wine, beer, soda or even “normal” juices — elderflower and white grape cordial, anyone?? No? Perhaps ginger and apple?? White peach and hibiscus?? — and even the same smell – a slight metallic blood tang from the fish/meat counter, blended with hot cornmeal from the bottom of the breads in the bakery. It blends to make a smell uniquely Whole Foods.

If you go in on a rainy January day, there’s the added smell of wet wool, the squeak of wet carts, and the buzz of shoppers interacting in the bin section — “Wet one, isn’t it?” “Cor, listen to the wind!” “Oh, excuse me! Sorry! Are those lentils on special today?” — and the wailing of hipster music in the background – light jazz, something trendy; no sugar-synth pop or orchestral Beatles elevator Muzak to trouble you. Unlike other grocery stores, the loud voices calling so-and-so to the front are rare, as rare as people plugged in to iPhones and other devices. For some reason – maybe because it’s still new and easy to lose your way or your mind – “Those are Jerusalem artichokes? What do you do with them?” — people aren’t so tuned out.

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We were a little disappointed not to see the 365 Everyday WF store brand items – but one of the strengths of Whole Foods, before it started going crazy in the U.S., was that it sourced a lot of its inexpensive items locally. It was good to see a lot of familiar stuff, organic brands and UK vegetarian staples we appreciate from our jaunts to Grassroots in Glasgow (oh, how we miss living right down the block and across the street). A store with not only rice cakes but puffed wheat cakes, millet cakes and quinoa cakes plus popcorn cakes – well, see? You can have all of your tasteless diet-y wafers in all flavor(less)s. Or, something like that.

We had a good chuckle out of seeing tons of Amy’s Kitchen products, including Amy’s Burritos, which are sold in the frozen foods aisle, and in our Santa Rosa WF was a run-in-get-one-run-out items for many of the lunch crowd, who then used the store’s microwave to heat through their meal, and consumed it on the hoof. Um, yeah. Burritos. And south of Glasgow… not really that great of a combination. AB tells us that there was a full case of burritos in the freezer department when the store opened in November… and now there are two small boxes of individually wrapped tortillas-and-beans – one with cheese and one without. And that is all. Clearly, it’s a matter of figuring out what’s going to sell, and what will sit and stare at them.

Another surprise was the amount of Jewish nosh about the place. Mind, we cannot source Fleischmann’s Yeast to save our lives around these parts, but oy, the boxes of the matzah flour, crackers, the gefilte fish, the kasha, the pickles, the Kosher this and that. It was explained to us that the south of Glasgow has a large and venerable Jewish population, and a very old reform synagogue in the area, too, thus much of the Jewish population is in the area – and is able to shop at WF… which is a Jewish-owned store to begin with. A shtik naches, it now all makes sense. (A great joy, yes?) We are now excited that we can go ahead and use up our last, hoarded (and probably not very good anymore) matzah ball mix from our last trip home!!! Because we can indeed take two trains from two different stations and find more.

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(Oh, yes, did we fail to mention that? Train – from Stirling station – is forty minutes, give or take. We missed the fastest train, and took the next fastest, which left ten minutes later – into Queen Street Station, where we had to walk five city blocks to Central Station, found a train – which we missed by two minutes, thank you, we waited another twenty minutes, and took a thirty minute shuttle to Giffnock. Please add thirty-eight degree rain and gusting fifty mile per hour wind to this, and you’ll wonder why we don’t go every weekend.)

If you shop Whole Foods before mid-February, maybe you’ll run into another friend of ours, unless Junior makes an early appearance. A fellow American from chorus, our friend is working weird hours, mightily pregnant, but equally Zen and Whole Foodsish, so she’s in the right place. She can be cajoled into pointing out bargains, as she manages to do all of her shopping at WF, and still come away with some paycheck. That’s a mad Mom-to-Be Skill, so we paid attention. She can point out the line of Burt’s Bees baby products and some really cute olive wood baby utensils, too. Just in case you’re into that kind of thing.

In some ways, it’s like every other WF we’ve ever been to… and in other ways, it was still totally field-trip worthy, a fun little slice of home.

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Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind

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Thanks to all of you who emailed and asked about us… we’re just fine.

Didja know that the United Kingdom has more tornadoes, relative to its land area, than any other country? Nope, when we moved here, we didn’t know that either. Of course, the United States still holds the dubious title of Tornado Leader, but it has a lot more land mass, and a lot more territory in the Midwest especially, prone to the nasty buggers. Prior to moving here, we would never have imagined that tornadoes were a part of the United Kingdom at all. The first winter in our tiny flat in the high rise, where the whole building tower swayed, though, should have been our first clue… Today, folks from Belfast to Bo’ness are suffering through flattened cars, uprooted trees, and sandstone bricks and slate roofing tiles scattered about.

Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, we lost a mill building. We are now Hayford Mills – 1. Granted, the building wasn’t occupied, and the roof was shingle-free, but it was a four-walls, wooden-roofed, standing derelict building. Now it’s a roofless, crumbled wall, messy pile of bricks. We felt the house – – ours, and brick, mind you vibrate beneath us while we lay abed, and got up and got hurriedly dressed at a ridiculous hour, for fear of ending up in pajamas in our bed in the front yard. It’s disconcerting to feel a brick house vibrate, to be sure. It’s weird, when you don’t live in a high rise, to feel like things are swaying. And the noise – freight trains and eerie howling all day.

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At least we don’t live near the sea – the Beeb posted pictures of the poor people near the coast. With all of this wind and rain, the flooding is insane. Our adopted family in Largs is lucky that they live up a slight incline, since pictures news footage shows the main street of their wee town awash – the sea came over the seawall and into town (We hate to think of the island!! Oy.). Since they’re happily vacationing in Cuba at present, and have a bit of a creek in front of their B&B, we were concerned – and doubly worried, because there were NO trains going for awhile Tuesday, and we couldn’t easily get up to sandbag their house if they needed us – but it turns out they wisely have someone house sitting, and all is well.

Fourteen hours without power made us get creative with the daily activities. Since it’s dim these days anyway, night seemed to last a loooong time. Many of our neighbors went into town to coffee shops and theaters with power, but a few of us lit candles and settled in. D. read aloud, while T. knitted. It felt very pioneer-y, and would have been enjoyable if it hadn’t gone on for so many hours. As the sun begins to go down at 2:30, it was all a bit much. T. was disappointed in herself – she likes candlelight and knitting is supposed to be peaceful. She couldn’t settle into it, until she found the caving lights and strapped one onto her head. And then her mood improved greatly.

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Fourteen hours without electricity is hard, but it was the blackness – the choking, profound darkness that made things really difficult. After true sundown, the dark just went on forever. We hadn’t realized how much we relied, in our more rural circumstances, on streetlights and the glow from others’ homes to not feel like we were isolated in a tiny boat on the edge of a trackless sea. “I don’t know how they did it back then,” T moaned at one point, aggravated by walking into a room and automatically switching on a light yet again. We know, though, that the early Scots had no TV, radio, computers, or electricity to miss, no light switches to fruitlessly flip. They had storytellers and musicians and they could knit in the near-dark, or add to their population – that’s how they “did it.” The fact is, they were tired after dealing with sheep, cattle, fishing and nets, oats, stills, and other hard work all day. We can be sure they didn’t sit around and fuss about when the power company was at least going to have some explanation for the cold, dark hours. Only we wimps did that.

Meanwhile, D. did well with what T. began to call “house camping,” and made foil reflectors to capitalize on the candlelight, lit the hob with matches and boiled up big pots of water and pots of tea, and made a nests of blankets (which, at age ten, he might have called a fort) and dug around for snacks. He read aloud to T. for hours, photographed the stars, bivouacked into the frigid blackness of the garage to find useful items to make the time pass. At least one of us enjoyed being on The 1890’s House, Hayford Mills episode.


And The Countdown Continues: Eight days to the viva!

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For those of you who have been asking how the job hunting is going — well, it’s going. It’s a lot of hurry-make-the-deadline and wait-for-some-response, and we’re in the waiting bit right now. Meanwhile, recruiters and tech personnel are phoning, now that D.’s taken his resume out of mothballs. He’s been contacted by Amazon, and weird (not at all likely to get polite responses) people are even calling Martinez, looking for him! Fortunately, the parents there have one of those Byzantium phone tree things – If you’d like to speak to the lady of the house, say your name clearly, and whistle the first three bars of the Largo from Dvorak’s “New World Symphony.” I’m sorry, we don’t recognize that name. To try again, press 3, and jump on your left leg while raising your right hand – and no one ever really makes it through to speak to them anyway. (We do want to warn all of those people that bothering our people makes us VERY UNLIKELY to be willing to speak nicely to you. Go away.) Job prospects remain a little iffy – lots of nice people want to talk, but it’s difficult to be able to read a situation, job, or person long-distance, and while we’re wary on this end, they’re wary on their end as well. However, we remain confident that we will end up exactly where we’re supposed to be, and if that’s a beach in the Bahamas, well, then, so be it, right?

T., struggling with finishing her latest novel, has begun counting words. She doesn’t usually, but the Winter Blahs (TM) are killing her creativity, so she’s trying a variety of ways to revive it, and her current means is to write two thousand words a day. For the rest of us, this is not the way to happy liveliness, but it seems to be working for her so far. She remains giddy that at long last, her orchids are preparing to bloom, and has high hopes for her African violet as well. For someone who has killed more plants in Scotland than she has kept alive, this is Symbolic and Meaningful for her. Meanwhile D. continues to work on his notes for The Kelvingrove Review, the University’s journal for which he is reviewing a book on the internet. He’ll be glad to be finished, as ironically, the review is due the day of his viva – he might actually want to look at his completed dissertation one last time!

Before After
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Despite flying branches, howling winds, pelting sleet and a lot of sneezing — when it’s not raining, the dust is certainly airborne – all is well at Casa Hayford Mills. Hope you’re doing well, too.

New.

Well, the stork came ’round last night, and delivered. Congratulations. You have now gone once more around the sun, and are the sole guardian of a wrinkle-free, blank-paged new year.

Boy, howdy was 2011 a difficult year. The vicious cold last Christmas which led to frozen pipes, then thawing-flooding rooms, and the return of the under-toilet mushroom. D’s nameless illness which went on and on and on; icy falls, deaths of friends, dumb dissertation delays, D’s work woes, Mom’s pulmonary embolism, carpet-eating moths, selling many possessions, leaving the city. So much change. So much growth. So much… well, angst.

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No one ever mentions that whilst the caterpillar is busy heading butterfly-wards that there’s a lot of hard work, sweat, and tears involved. (No blood, because caterpillars only have this kind of green gook, which you discover if you accidentally squish one. But we digress. Badly.) Battling to emerge from the last tough bits of a cocoon, whether scholastic, psychological or work-related is difficult. Even at our geriatric stage, growing up is hard to do. In myriad ways, we are fundamentally changed from living through a painful 2011 – we are, perhaps a little more serpent-wise than dove-harmless. We are less apt to tolerate liars, less apt to be people-pleasers, and we say no a lot more often – but we’ve managed to keep our people-pleaser smiles as we say it. We’ve re-evaluated many of our relationships, and have hopefully become calmer and kinder and smarter about weighing what really matters.

We’ve realized that we spent 2011 sort of reeling – creeping and cringing from one crisis to the next. There are so many places to err in a normal life, but being outside of our culture provides even more ways. We misspoke, we misunderstood, we …missed the mark. And while today is a new day in a new year, we figure a lot of that will happen again. And again…

Christmas Here Right Now

We are not much given to making resolutions. (In fact, we are not much given to even paying attention to the traditional celebrations of the new year; T. thought the first fireworks [at 9:30!?] were someone dragging a trashcan over the cobblestones.) If we were to make a resolution, though, it would go something like this: we will not fear. Or, perhaps more realistically, “we’ll fear, but move forward.” We’ll stand up straight, instead of cringing, and put some boldness in our steps, instead of creeping. Crises happen, after all… The pop-psychology catchprase says “Do It Scared.”

Human beings live in fear of those squidgy moments no one can control. We live in fear of embarrassment and the horror of awkwardness. Most of us are deathly afraid of pain. Many of us are afraid of voicing our opinions, our likes, our dislikes, or desires, for fear that everyone will say, “eeew!” like they did in grade school when we brought too brown of a banana or tofu in a sandwich. But part of that last moment of birth is the pain – for all parties involved. Being squeezed is uncomfortable, and the last push to break through the cocoon is the one the butterfly – weary, damp, and losing hope – probably believes will kill them.

The goal is to feel the fear and move forward. And while that may sound simplistic to the extreme, it’s what successful people do. They don’t look too far ahead, and try to swallow down the entire scope of the days before them, they take in the immediate challenges of the now, solve them, and go on to the next. It’s T’s mantra, which a friend embroidered on sleeves for her: be here now.

And we, who don’t know what we’re doing or where we’re going or how our work will be received, or what the future holds – we are here now. Today we take the first step on another journey around the sun, clutching both hands to a fragile faith, waiting for our wings to dry, so we can fly.

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…faithfully, into the dark

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December

by Gary Johnson

A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye
Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue
Where the faithful live, some joyful, some troubled,
Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the sidewalk shoveled.
Not much triumph going on here—and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark
And are there angels singing overhead? Hark.

“God Willing, And The Creek Don’t Rise…”

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Have no idea from whence that folksy saying comes, but it must have been one of those conditional-on-the-weather places. Who knew we lived in such a place? Our train into Glasgow from Stirling took an hour and twenty minutes last week; what is usually about a thirty minute ride (thirty-three – forty-four, depending on if you’re on an express, and what time of day it is) stretched onward into hideous eternity. T. fell asleep in self defense. D. played endless games of Klondike on his phone. The high winds had again slowed the trains to 50 mph, and then late trains were piled up on the tracks… so we mostly sat. And sat. If it weren’t for the fact that we had to attend our last rehearsal before a big concert, we would have stayed home. The temps hovered in the mid-thirties and the wind was in the 65 mph range, and — brrr! But that wasn’t even the most fun part.

Our burn flooded!

Our mills-turned-homes border a long, light-less rural road, lined with open fields where sheep placidly munch and ignore the wind, snow, sleet, rain, and dark of night. (Really, they’re amazing, but as we were told, with some asperity, “Well, an’ they’re Scottish sheep, aren’t they?” Yes. Well.) A stream, or burn runs along the road and under a bridge to a smaller field used as a playground for the neighborhood and a football pitch. We were riding home with our friend R., who kindly drops us off on Tuesdays, and we skidded for a bit coming off the freeway. This didn’t slow him down, och, noo. He lives in an area just up the pike from us – even more rural, so he’s fearless. We fishtailed down the road, hitting puddles, sheets of water rising in silvery wings on either side of the car. T. gripped the upholstery.

“Er, Rol, mind the turn at the bottom of the road,” she said. “It floods. You might want to slow down.”

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Aaaand just at that moment, we hit one massive puddle and R. gripped the steering wheel as the car went slightly out of control. Fortunately, the road is single-track (one lane) and no one was coming the other way. He slowed a bit as we saw the lights on the first of the mills, and it’s a good thing he did — because the road was completely under water from that point on!

It’s an entirely eerie feeling to feel sloshing under your feet as a car is driving. It is not a feeling we want to feel again. R. said, “Um, I think I’ll have to take the high road back through town. Wouldn’t fancy driving that again.”

Indeed.

Sometimes it freezes after the burn floods. Fortunately, not this time. Next time it goes, we’ll have to take pictures. Meanwhile, our upstairs deck is somehow flooded… we have to wade out and pry up the paving stones that line the floor and see what is plugging up the pipe. Unfortunately, it’s thirty-two degrees at present, and it’s not a job either of us wants, though T. took a stab at it once already. Meh. It’ll keep.


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Well, greetings of the winter holiday to one and all. The winter holidays are always odd for us – our first year, we’d just arrived, so didn’t plan to go home, and had a miserably cold and lonely time, fighting homesickness. Our second year, we gave up and went home, housesitting but not enjoying the whole experience because we both had the ‘flu to end all influenza. The third year we were home, and brought work with us, and last year we gave up and went to Iceland for a few days. Through all of this, T. either didn’t have access to her creché or didn’t unpack it… and hasn’t now for four years. Quite a change from the girl who badgered friends and family to sculpt her a new piece each year after Thanksgiving dinner. We don’t decorate anymore, because we never plan on being here… and this year was going to be the same. Except, we’ve found a stray American who had no plans. And we can’t let someone sit at home in a dark city with no one, when we have two perfectly good guest rooms and a mattress warmer.

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And once one guest was invited, well. The floodgates. They opened.

So, out comes the Sculpey, and the clay creché figurines, and the paint, and thus begins the decoration and the fussing and the cookie baking and general making-an-effort-ness of it all. And you know? It’s probably not a bad thing. This is supposed to be a celebration of light over darkness, after all…

Somewhere, in the midst of all of our moves, we’ve managed to lose something tiny and precious – our candy thermometer. It’s horrible! We have had to go all old-school and use a glass of ice water and a shrewd eye to tell when our sugar syrups are boiled enough. Fortunately, you can’t really ruin much once sugar’s gotten past the soft-ball stage – either you’ll have individual sugared nuts, or brittle, right? We were aiming for brittle – and got some, but boy, we’ll have to perfect it. For one thing, the combination of cinnamon and cayenne pepper, while lovely, maybe should have gone into the syrup itself. Using a fine grater and grating cinnamon into the nuts meant it all fell to the bottom, as did the pepper. This made for some entertainment as people sampled — spots completely free of cayenne, other spots causing gasps and choked requests for water.

Nut Brittle 1.3

(Sadly, this caused us more amusement than it should have. Maybe we won’t change a thing.)

Secondly, the nuts probably shouldn’t have been mixed into the syrup, but laid out on the Silpat… and the syrup poured over them. Working with hot sugar brings on some sort of atavistic Lava Terror, and it’s hard to spread that stuff out fast enough – your hands and arms just chant, “Run away!” repeatedly. However, mixing the nuts into the syrup ensures much better coverage, so a heavier spatula and a fiercer attitude next time will have to work. Or something.

Either way, it’s good fun to get into the kitchen, and we’re expecting to bake carrot macaroons, Fauxreo “Coal” cookies, ABC gingerbread men, and a whole host of other fun stuff. Hope your holiday plans a.) do not find you with ice, unless it is in an iced drink or ice skates, b.) do not contain high water, unless you’re kayaking or surfing, and c.) do include exceptional cider and the best cookies you’ve ever had. Rest and peace and loved ones; hands to hold and babies to cuddle, and people with whom to watch bad movies, color, and squabble with over games and scores. Hot baths. Soft blankets. Sweet smells. Frosty air, experienced from a toasty warm distance. Gratitude, pure and deep: This we wish you.

Hayford Mills 204

Namaste. Pax. And Heavenly Peace.

It’s All in the Vowels

T’s friend Lissa took Voice & Diction at a Colorado College in the early nineties, and remembers having to recite bits of this poem as part of an oral exam. Read it aloud – and it seems reasonably easy at first. And then you remember: (Edited to add: – this is according to Lissa’s long-ago professor -), the English pronounce Pall Mall “pell mell,” for some reason, and viscount has a long I sound… and it all gets worse from there. Shudder:

😯

The Chaos

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
   I will teach you in my verse
   Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
   Tear in eye, your dress you’ll tear;

   Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!

   Just compare heart, hear and heard,
   Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it’s written).
   Made has not the sound of bade,

   Saysaid, paypaid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as vague and ague,
   But be careful how you speak,
   Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via

Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
   Woven, oven, how and low,
   Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
   Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,

   Missiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,

   Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
   Solar, mica, war and far.

From “desire”: desirableadmirable from “admire”,
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
   Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,

   Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
   Gertrude, German, wind and wind,

   Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.

   This phonetic labyrinth
   Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured

To pronounce revered and severed,
   Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
   Peter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
   Blood and flood are not like food,

   Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.

   Discount, viscount, load and broad,
   Toward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation’s OK.
   Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

   Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your r correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.

   Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
   Buoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,

Now: position and transition;
   Would it tally with my rhyme
   If I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,

But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
   Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
   Rabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,

Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
   You’ll envelop lists, I hope,
   In a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You’ll have it!

Affidavit, David, davit.
   To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
   Does not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.

   We say hallowed, but allowed,
   People, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,

Between mover, plover, Dover.
   Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

   Chalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

   Petal, penal, and canal,
   Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with “shirk it” and “beyond it”,
   But it is not hard to tell
   Why it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,

   Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
   Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the a of drachm and hammer.
   Pussy, hussy and possess,

   Desert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.

   Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
   Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker“,
Quoth he, “than liqueur or liquor“,
   Making, it is sad but true,

   In bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.

   Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
   Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
   Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
   Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
   Mind! Meandering but mean,

   Valentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
   Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,

   Tier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?

   Prison, bison, treasure trove,
   Treason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn’t) with nibbled.
   Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,

   Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don’t be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;

   Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
   Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
   Evil, devil, mezzotint,

   Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don’t mention,
   Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
   Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,

Though I often heard, as you did,
   Funny rhymes to unicorn,
   Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,

I don’t want to speak of Cholmondeley.
   No. Yet Froude compared with proud
   Is no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,

Tripod, menial, denial,
   Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
   Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
   But you’re not supposed to say
   Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid

Worthless documents? How pallid,
   How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
   When for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,

Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
   Episodes, antipodes,
   Acquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don’t monkey with the geyser,
Don’t peel ‘taters with my razor,

   Rather say in accents pure:
   Nature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
   Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
   Wan, sedan and artisan.

The th will surely trouble you
More than r, ch or w.
   Say then these phonetic gems:

   Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget ’em
   Wait! I’ve got it: Anthony,
   Lighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit

Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
   With and forthwith, one has voice,
   One has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;

Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
   Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
   Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
   Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,

   Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners

   Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
   Puisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,

We say actual, but victual,
   Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,

   Put, nut, granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

   Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
   Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
   Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,

   Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it

   Bona fide, alibi
   Gyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
   Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,

   Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,

   Rally with ally; yea, ye,
   Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.

   Never guess-it is not safe,
   We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,

Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
   Face, but preface, then grimace,
   Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;

   Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
   Do not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the o of off and often

Which may be pronounced as orphan,
   With the sound of saw and sauce;
   Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
   Respite, spite, consent, resent.
   Liable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
   Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,

   Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,

S of news (compare newspaper),
   G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
   I of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
   Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,

   Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
   Won’t it make you lose your wits
   Writing groats and saying “grits”?

It’s a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
   Islington, and Isle of Wight,

   Housewife, verdict and indict.

Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?

   Finally, which rhymes with enough,
   Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??

Hiccough has the sound of sup
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!
– G. Nolst Trenité

Please ignore the extra ‘u’ here and there – it’s an English poem (as in, the nation), and was written by a Dutchman, Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870-1946), who also wrote under the pseudonym Charivarius. It first appeared in an appendix to the author’s 1920 textbook Drop Your Foreign Accent: engelsche uitspraakoefeningen.

One must ask: in what world does parquet rhyme with khaki???

This does not help us with Scots English at all.

And for this grace, we are indeed thankful.

Words on the subject @ T’s blog.

“I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite — only a sense of existence. My breath is sweet to me. O, how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.
If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance, like flowers and sweet-scented herbs — is more elastic, starry, and immortal — that is your success.” — Thoreau

Cartoon clipped from The Philadelphia Enquirer in 2009 and passed along via email through many people.