Let Them Eat Meatballs

Food blogging is not a competition as such, but sometimes the coolness factor of other people’s blogs make me want to hide my efforts and cringe. Some of you seem to post daily feasts and astonishingly good photo essays of inventive dishes. Especially when our household is facing work and school deadlines and we really wish we could simply subsist on cold cereal, food artistry simply doesn’t happen. We’re too tired. We’re too busy. We’re too… lazy.

That last little bit has become a problem.

It’s kind of a Kitchen Catch-22. We’re exhausted, and good, fresh foods would nourish and strengthen us, but cooking those foods requires time and effort and imagination…and energy. We only realized recently that we’ve been going around and around and around with this particular conundrum, and have begun to rely on ‘shortcut’ foods that are labor-intensive in terms of packaging (lots of plastic and cardboard), are more processed than we need, and contain ingredients we wouldn’t add if we’d made them at home. Mushroom paté? Tasty — but does one really need to actually buy it, when it’s such a simple thing? No.

We’ve come to some conclusions, mainly that we need a real KITCHEN again (and we’re making that a priority in our search for a new flat), to get to bed earlier, to go on a wee vacation and recover from the past few weeks, and then to snap out of it with the laziness already.

Tall order! But taking into account the artistry and brilliance of our food blogging buddies, it’s a lot easier than one might think. After all, there are directions right in front of us for creating such toothsome goodies as Holler’s curried chickpea wrap, Lolo’s Marmalade Tofu, Tara’s tasty ANZAC Biscuits, and Haalo’s gorgeous Walnut Tea Loaf, not to mention Pille’s seasonal goodies made from fruit and herbs she gathers herself. The fact is, we have shelter and fire and food, unlike three quarters of the world. We don’t really have any good excuse not to eat a good meal.

Encouraged by this fact, we went hunting for a recipe that had enticed us earlier in the week. It was for mushroom meatballs, and it looked so good. Pasta is a quick, simple meal, and why not add meatballs, I thought? Why not? Because 1.) we had no pasta except for orzo and 2.) I couldn’t find the recipe.

*sigh*

Losing a recipe can be a boon, however. The words “how hard can it be?” are the mother of invention! Can’t find the recipe? Bluff! You don’t have all the ingredients needed? Improvise! May your wooden spoon be a magic wand, and may you arrive at mushroom meatballs as tasty — and random — as ours.

Extra-Ordinary Mushroom Meatballs

• 4 large white closed-cap mushrooms
• 1 c. dry breadcrumbs
• 2 large cloves garlic
• 1/2 tsp. dry bouillon mix
• 1/4 c. raw almond
• 1 c. textured vegetable protein or beef(ish) mince
• 1/4 c. dehydrated mushrooms
• 1/3 of a bell pepper
• 1/8 tsp. rubbed sage
• 1/2 tsp. cumin, whole
• 3 allspice berries
• freshly ground black pepper to taste
• 1 ounce Edam cheese, optional

This is a recipe that you can do make entirely with a food processor and one hand tied behind your back. Of course, if you have our food processor, which holds maybe two cups, it’s tricky, but just pulsing the ingredients a few at a time and keeping a mixing bowl handy worked just fine.

The ingredients are listed in the order in which they were pulsed. The mushrooms and bell pepper provide enough moisture that you will need no more; if your TVP or beef(ish) mince is unsalted, the bouillon should take care of that perfectly, so no additional salt is necessary. The cheese takes care of the addition of fats.

Preheat oven to 350°F or whatever is “medium” for you, and line a pan with foil or parchment paper. Lightly spritz it with olive oil. When all the ingredients are chopped into almost a purée, simply use your hands to create ten medium sized portions. Form them carefully into balls. They’ll be crumbly and chunky, so just sort of pat them and leave them alone. Once they’re on the pan, you can spritz them with olive oil again if you fear they’re too dry. Bake for thirty minutes and enjoy.

These crunchy, savory, tasty bits of goodness are slightly earthy and mildly reminiscent of falafel. They would work well in wraps, atop pasta in a lovely puttanesca sauce, or on toothpicks. This recipe yields ten mushroom balls; if you make them smaller, you will, of course, have more, and I can see fiddling with the recipe to make thirty or so large ones next time. However, for a meal for two, ten is more than enough.

Success! Lunch was a highly anticipated event, and the main event was a big hit. We enjoyed our mushroom balls atop garlicky orzo and peas with a red cabbage and kohlrabi salad on the side. Feeling a pleasant sense of accomplishment, I was nonetheless disgusted when D. asked, “Oh, did you use the recipe posted by Sher at What Did You Eat?” Of course not! The universe hid it from me! But now that I’ve found it again, you can bet I’ll be back for more.

Thank you, everybody, for cooking well, eating well and inspiring me thoroughly.

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