Once again, we’re doing a bit of wandering, in hopes that within a week or so, we’ll be settling into a new place. This weekend is for the social obligations and the networking that we didn’t get to do last time, and then Monday, the house-hunting resumes.
We’re just beginning to understand that our transition is still happening. Having been away for five years, and made a whole life where we were, our return has meant starting from scratch — in ways we hadn’t internalized. We’ve bounced between relief, that things would be familiar, and panic, as we finally understand how much the US has changed in the past five years. Happily, most of the time we’ve been able to switch off with who is in what emotional state. This weekend, D. is happier and feeling more secure, confident that progress is being made at last. T. is …sitting around, staring.
One of the worst things about having left the health insurance racket is getting back into it. We know it’s going to be a huge challenge, as the words “pre-existing condition” apply. It’s daunting – and more than a little depressing – and the deadline of running out of medications and the prospect of having to find all new doctors, all over again, who will scrutinize and assess and weigh and judge… Well, it’s not something we’ve raced to do. And yet, we must.
The other issues of transition have included leaving friends behind, close friends, the prospect of, at this stage in our lives, making other close friends. According to a recent piece in the New York times, friendships made after college rarely approach the intensity of the tightly bonded youthful friendships we make at a younger age. Past thirty, we are allegedly routine-laden and prone to loneliness. On bad days, we contemplate this sort of thing. Maybe we’ve changed too much, in the past five years, to ever successfully fit in here again.
(Again, those days switch off… most of the time.)
It’s a process… one through which we have to be patient and realistic with our expectations. We’re emerging from the tunnel, and trying to believe what we’re seeing is the light of daylight…
…and not traffic coming in the other direction.
Hmmm…I could send you guys some hugs or something. I’ve thought of this as it relates to our lives — the changing, shifting, planning aspect of whatever lies in the future. I’ve alway been an advocate of change insisting it is the only constant In life, but it takes its toll at some point — at least it did for me. You’ve got everything ahead of you — so hang in there!