Taking a quick break in our packing to point out a less than amusing side of this whole thing: Sales.
I hate selling things. We sold Texas Manor Fruitcakes through grade school to support our class fund. Why anyone thought mummified cake and neon, vat-dyed fruit was a good item for raising funds for children, I don’t know, but that is what we did. (DISCLAIMER: I know that some fruitcakes are good. THESE were NOT.) I am dreadful at selling things — even my own things. What is anything really worth? How bad should I feel if you don’t look like you really need to be buying anything? These are the types of things that go through my mind.
Sunday we spent at the flea market — or the ‘car boot sale,’ if you’re playing along elsewhere (And frankly, a ‘car boot’ sale makes more sense. I mean, fleas. Eh??), and it was an awful, long day. I am not a salesperson. I couldn’t sell warm sunshine to Antarctica (Oh, wait, global warming. Might not have to). We only made money because Himself has a good hustle and looks at people and smiles this slightly mad smile and steps toward them, startling them into a horrified stillness. Those who couldn’t run away fast enough bought something.
One sales thing that has been a big pain for both of us, however, is the online sales. Craigslist is a great place to buy and sell, but we have met almost all the flakes who ever use it. People have claimed to be coming “right now” to pick up something they’d bought… and they’ve never showed. People have phoned to harangue about the wording used in an ad (I kid you not.), people have been all kinds of bizarre. And then there are the people who think that we are all kinds of stupid. The scammers. This is an email which we received this morning:
Hello
I’m sorry I haven’t been on line, but I had an accident which i was
paraplegic and can’t get around to mail a check.I will have loved to call
your phone but i am deaf, If you are still interested in selling the item to
me i will add $50 to your asking price to cover cost of Business Check Paper
that is needed for printing of the Check.As my mode of payment will be via
Echeck and my shipping co will handle the pick up.Read more about Echeck via
www.insticheck.com ,I should be home from the doctor by this afternoon, and
would be happy to send the Echeck once you must have purchase the Supplies
at staples or stationery store.It is sold for just $20. Thanks for getting
back to me, and once again I’m sorry I didn’t see your email until today.I
will await your email today.Thanks
Granted, this bloke knows something abut human nature. People immediately think “Deaf paraplegic, oh my word!!!” and potentially will smother a suspicious thought because how rude and unchristian and non-PC is it not to want to help a person with physical issues? (Who has apparently never heard of TDD/TTY and has no caretakers to get them in and out of the tub or write their cheques…?)
I looked up the ‘insticheck’ website, then did a quick online search to see if anyone else had recognized a scam using that company (which is, in fact, a real company). And then I found this amusing little story from a smart guy named Rob. See, Rob is a man whose sense of humor comes with…razor-sharp teeth. He doesn’t just get email from scammers. He… answers. And oh, how he answers. Go there, read his deliciously worded verbal sparring with the lying-lipped and grammatically challenged. What struck me the funniest is that this gent has done this before!! You’d think there’d be some kind of bulletin board in the Scammers Underground that says “Just Say No! Do NOT Email This Man!” But alas – that would assume some sort of intelligence and organization…
All this just to say that the sales, for the most part, are over. Last night between eight and eight-thirty p.m., both of our cars rolled out of the garage and away into new lives with Adam from EBay, and that other guy whose name I never did catch (but who wanted to pay us CASH. Cash. For a car. That gave us another turn…).
We have no cars. We have no knives. We have lots of luggage. We are moving to Scotland… in nine days.
God have mercy.
– D & T
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Wait. They were afraid of me? I think they just felt guilty – I mean, you should have seen us: 5 people huddled about a pile of … junk. Waiting. Looking at them walk by.
Oh, the lies:
“I don’t have any money.” (so … you come to the flea market to watch?)
“I left my wallet in the car.” (which is why you’re carrying a bunch of stuff in bags and have a rolling cart)
I maintain that Americans just don’t know how to bargain … that they think “bargain” means “cheat.” SO not the same thing.
I look forward to NEVER EVER doing that again.
You KNOW you want to. Jess could go with you to sell overpriced dolls again!
Oh Lord! That email is as bad as the telephone calls that start with “You have won a free vacation!” And I’ve had three this week… grrrh. Who really falls for this stuff??
This made me laugh! I hate selling things too, and I’d almost rather give something away than bargain. I once had to help my sister sell Girl scout cookies and I found myself actually talking people out of buying them. All that sugar and hydrogenated fat…
As for those scams, you’d figure that if someone was going to try and pull one off, at least they’d aim to use better grammar! A friend of mine writes back to scammers, offering friendship and guidance rather than monetary support. He says it’s pretty funny just how quickly they change their tune once they know they’re not going to get his money.