My older sister has a practice of sending us the amusing bits of news that cross her path. Usually hers come from the Yahoo! home page or the Anchorage Daily News. Our favorite outlet for strange news comes from the Chronicle, our friend Neil’s blog (to which I am not going to link – for the sake of your sanity), various newspapers, and lately, the BBC News Scotland.
Not that it comes across as amusing or “weird” news to anyone else, but the BBC provides things that make me smile. Like the conker story. There has been an appeal for people in the Southern part of Scotland to donate their chestnuts for the Scottish Conker Championship to be held somewhere called Peebles. Now, if you don’t know what conkers are (and you can switch that webpage into English, look at the top right side of the page), you obviously did not grow up reading solid British lit’triture where kids had “jem sendwidges” in their pockets and a crowd of smeary little urchins with whom to take to the streets with their minds on assault. Conkers are chestnuts… the basic point of the game is that you somehow attach a piece of string to a conker, and …hit someone else’s conker. Or, hit someone else’s head. It’s a game teachers love, of course.
The other piece of newsworthy errata that amused me today I actually have witnessed. The United Kingdom has historically been made up of the Scottish, the Northern Irish,the Welsh, and the English, they of reserve and class and culture — at least according to, again, Lit’triture, the BBC, and Masterpiece Theater. Nowadays, the UK is made up of people who… kiss. As I’ve said, I’ve experienced this, and let me tell you — it’s bewildering. (Corrected the “ethnicities” listed above, so as to not ignore the Welsh, and not to lump the Irish in with Britain)
For one thing, friendly as Americans are rumored to be, they don’t kiss. Unless they’re religious, and you’re a member of their church, perhaps a longtime member they’ve known? Since childhood? And even then — they don’t kiss. They’ll certainly hug, bump fists (if they’re boys of a certain age), slap you on the back, punch you in the shoulder, wrestle you into a headlock… the violence escalates from there, but no kissing. Certainly no kissing between the more macho gender.
Yet, we’ve been kissed! Here! By strangers! Okay, not quite strangers, but close enough!! It’s been a little — startling, to say the least.
From whence does this kissing hail? What happened to reserve and starch and distance? Is it because the UK is home to many more kinds of people, and those customs and traditions are doing a little ‘melting pot’ thing here? Or is it that it’s cold, and people are looking for ways to have blood rush to their faces and produce immediate, embarrassed flushes? And anyway, how many of those kisses are you supposed to give? It amuses me more that much of the UK itself seems to be in a quandary over this. The BBC News Magazine even posts a guide:
Four: Paris
Three: Brittany, Netherlands, Belgium (if other person 10 years older), Egypt, Russia, Switzerland
Two: Spain, Austria, Hungary, Greece, some parts of France
One: Belgium
Close friends and family only: Germany, Italy, Middle East (except between male friends)
Don’t try it: Japan (bow)
I do note that the UK doesn’t show up on this list. Which leaves one wondering all over again…
It seems like this post should end with something very upper class, like air kisses, or cries of “Smoochies!” But we wouldn’t do that to you.
– D & T
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Argentina falls into the two kisses category, even between males. That’s the strange one, really – they call it kissing “a la italiana” apparently, although when I was there it was just the way everybody said hello.
Conkers, I have heard about. In fact, there is a annual conkers championship in one of the local pubs. I’ve never witnessed it, just heard about it on the CBC radio.
And I never really thought about it, but you are right about the kissing thing. I kiss family. And that is about it. The closer the family, the closer the kiss. Immediate family (kids-husband) get lip kisses. Parents and siblings get cheek kisses. And that is about it. Handshakes and hugs, but no more kisses. And I don’t know how I would feel about having semi-strangers kissing me. hmmm.
how interesting! I’ve never heard of the three kiss greeting. So, which one should I be practicing for my visit?
I think it’s an excuse, really. Someone sizes you up and thinks you’re a tasty morsel, and decides to pretend to embrace some cultural whatever as an excuse to get close.
It really does produce some startling moments.
And Diva – practice air kissing. With as many people as I hear coughing, I’m wearing my gloves, pulling my scarf over my nose and mouth, and waving. From a distance.
I know all about conkers and came to the U.K. well prepared. My husband is very fond of collecting these and chucking them at his near and dear. Being a lousy shot myself, this really wears thin, but I put up with it because it is ‘cultural.’
But boy, did the kissing take me by surprise too! The first time it happened, I really jumped. I felt like crying, “What are you DOING? You’re BRITISH!”
I have found that a few people do air kiss — as I often do (given the aforementioned lousy aim and coming from a largely non-kissing family). Here in Britain, you will find that you usually get two kisses. If you screw up the first, you can always try harder on the second. It works out pretty well, really.
tee-hee. have fun with that! xxxx
“The United Kingdom has historically been made up of the Scottish, the Irish, and the English”
Erm…. you might want to add the Welsh to that list, and add the prefix “Northern-” to the Irish part. Don’t think many Irish people would be too happy with being chucked in there.
Mary – your husband just chucks the conkers at you? That’s not really the aim of the game.
T&C, I do know of what countries the UK is comprised. I have managed to once again make Americans look geographically backwards – but don’t think it’s everyone. It’s just me, typing quickly after little sleep.
I think I must be old school Scottish Presbyterian – even handshaking I find too familiar! lol I do kiss my husband and children, aunties and Grannies and perhaps some very old friends. I love your views on my country – remindsme of when I visited California and all the strange things I found there (the live fish in the Chinese supermarket, could never bring myself to buy one!) Conkers is great, never knew there was a championships tho. About hedgehogs and other small british animals, get yourself to the countryside, Pollok Estate (Burrell Collection etc. ) on Southside of Glasgow would be a good (and close start). I grew up in a small village called Inverkip, near Greenock, and always saw hedgehogs, moles, etc. etc.