Somewhere, Out There

Woodlands Road 89

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star…

Okay, so it’s not a star, but we had the rare clear sky with the full moon this past week, and were overjoyed to see that familiar face. We’ve had quite an unexpected cold snap here. Our friends in the Borders are bewailing the half inch of ice on the wheelbarrow as they’ve just finished planting their umpteen thousand bulbs (their yard will be a sight come Spring) and D. briefly succumbed to some sort of four day sinus infection/bronchial/fever thing. It’s the sign from the universe to step away from the sugar and start piling on the oranges. (Ooh! Clementine pie! Oh, wait…)

The wind is whipping, and noses are dripping, and the Dark Night of the Soul which will go on until, oh, say March, has begun… which means it’s past time to begin rehearsing for the big Christmas shows. The City Chorus, who we were just told were highlighted on Songs of Praise this past June (that’s a BBC One Sunday a.m. television/radio hymn show, which holds the distinction of being the longest-running show in the world. It started in 1961.) puts on two big theater shows downtown during the holidays, and does matinee shows, so people can duck in from shopping, refresh themselves, and hurl themselves back into the fray. The choir whittles its main group 250-ish down to fifty voices, and D. has been begged to sing, as tenors are a vanishingly small section, as opposed to the common-on-the-ground sopranos.

“There’s never enough time to rehearse,” Director Nearly Knighted informed us, then handed us a thirty page sheaf of German carols (with harp accompaniment!) and some traditional pieces from the Oxford Book of Carols.

Woodlands Road 90

Christmas music just couldn’t be easy, could it?

If anyone’s familiar with the Oxford book, it’s got carols in there, all right – with alternate tunes from the ones Americans grow up singing. And it’s got descants, of course. So, while the Christmas songs will be old standards to everyone else, we’ll be sight-reading and hoping to keep up. This two weeks after our first big concert the 20th of November, of course. Happy Holidaze. Still, since we’re not flying back to the States for Christmas, it’s something to keep us occupied. Plus, the biggest positive is that with so much wildly unfamiliar music, we won’t be sick to death of hearing Christmas songs before it’s time. Bonus!

That being said, the lights are going up in George Square – definitely before time. We walked past them last night, and our friend L. tried to reassure us — “Well, they’re not actually lit yet…” No. And again, we remind ourselves: No Thanksgiving here. They’re perfectly justified to have the Christmas season start the third of November.

Okay, ALMOST perfectly justified. ::sigh::

Meanwhile, T. has bumped into an opportunity for a book review. The usual question from many new acquaintances is “What brings you to Scotland?” and after the explanation, “So, what do you do all day?” and generally once T. mentions writing, people make noises like, “Oh, I wanted to write a book,” or, “Oh, my so-and-so is a writer,” and polite discourse concludes. This time, the script changed. A. asked, “Have you been featured in The List yet?” Well, no, T. hasn’t been featured there. It’s a Scottish publication for the arts – bands, operas, film, shows, books, gallery openings – which produces the Edinburgh Festival Guide every year, and is basically not something she ever thought to appear in, as her book is published in the U.S. However, since A. knows someone who writes for them, and since the battalion in the book land briefly in Glasgow, this is Of Interest.

Woodlands Road 88

T. is instructed to bring her books to choir next week (good thing her editor gave her a few for promotional purposes), sign and sell them (Amazon UK appears to be too slow for her new fans) and a copy will be passed along for a review. Since the UK has a lot of historians who are keen on WWII, she hopes it will meet with approval. She’s also a little rattled to have so many people all peering at her, as A. practically stood on a chair and announced to the entire soprano section that, “We have an author in our midst!”

It’s good to have fiends, uh, friends out there, and we’re grateful for you, too.

Breakfast of Champions

Tofu Steak with Cheese and Avocado

People have asked and asked and asked us how we manage to be vegan in a place like the UK.

For one thing: we’re not vegan. T.’s mother is vegan, we’ve learned how to cook and bake without any animal products and we try to limit our animal-related food consumption, but we don’t claim veganism, not at all. We are vegetarians, however, and no matter how it freaks some of our omnivore friends (“You’re just so hard to feed!” our friend P moans) it’s not actually as bad as you might think.

Anyone, anywhere, as long as they have access to an Asian market like our fave See Woo, or Matthew’s, will be just fine, as Asian markets are the obvious go-to places to source tofu, interesting seitan, textured vegetable protein, vegetables, and noodles. We were pretty shocked a couple of weeks ago to see how well stocked the Largs Morrison’s was, too — for a small town, they were beyond awesome — so the regular shops are definitely in on the act.

“So, what do people eat there?” is the other perennial question. (T. usually gets this from school-aged children, and to avoid further devolving a nation into stereotype, she has stopped even jokingly mentioning haggis. The average Scottish person eats haggis as often as the average American wears a tuxedo, which is maybe once a year. ) Because of this, we thought we’d show you …breakfast. This is T’s plate, of course, liberally doused with Cholula sauce, but it’s just grilled tofu, half an avocado, and a bit of cheese. Protein, a little fat, and a lot of yummy. Followed by a handful of nuts and some fruit (Or D’s celery and peanut butter) around 3 p.m., this is enough to take us through most of a workday.

The how-to on this is simple: place a sliced, rinsed tofu steak in a lightly oiled stainless steel pan on medium, fry it until you see brown coming up the sides… then turn off the heat, put on the lid, go take your shower, come back.

It will have sweated itself free of the pan by your return, and you can sprinkle some spices (like our Spice of Greatness) on the uncooked side, then flip it and essentially repeat the process. We take a single cake of tofu (the big ones that come sealed in a carton with water) and split it and that works out as breakfast for two. T., who silently moaned her way through scrambled tofu as a child, actually prefers this to scrambled, and actually loves this dish, which continually surprises her.

Once the second side is fried, we sometimes lay cheese on. If you choose that option, just cover the pan for two minutes while the cheese melts and you’re prepping the avocados. It’ll all be melty and ready when you are.

Weekends are another matter altogether. We found out that The Drake across the way has pancakes – real ones – with fried bananas and maple syrup. Now, that is the breakfast of weekend champions!

Jam Tomorrow & Jam Yesterday

Jam Tarts 1

D. hardly can go in to work now without some kind of goody in hand. He’s run through his repertoire of cakes and pies and after fulfilling a scones-like-my-nan’s request, has received another query. “How about a strawberry tart?” someone suggested.

The problem with a strawberry tart is that in two weeks it’s November and we’re well away from the season where strawberries will come up from the earth. There are no berries in the store that anyone would want to eat, and cranberries are, sadly, a New World food. After considering frozen strawberries (ugh) and pondering some other kind of fruit (meh), we decided to try to make jam tarts.

Jam tarts are kind of a British thing anyway. Most of the time, they’re seen in miniature – as cookies that look like they’ve been thumbprinted with jam, or ramekin-sized goodies that are split in fourths. In order to truly make a jam tart, one needs a tart pan; not having one of those, we settled for eight ceramic ramekins and one spring-formed pan, and whipped up a thick, sweet crust.

Jam Tarts 3

  • 1 1/2 cups (210 grams) all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup (70 grams) stone-ground cornmeal or polenta
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 9 tablespoons (4 1/2 ounces or 130 grams) unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • 1/2 cup (100 grams) granulated sugar
  • 1/4 c. grated lemon rind
  • 2 large eggs, whole
  • 1 large egg, separated
  • 1/8 teaspoon almond extract
  • 1 1/3 to 1 3/4 cups (450 grams) jam (see Note above; I used the smaller amount) or marmalade
  • 2 tablespoons (30 grams) coarse-crystal or granulated sugar

Mix your dry ingredients – the flour, cornmeal, lemon rind, baking powder and salt – together in a bowl. Using an electric mixer cream together your butter and 1/2 cup or sugar until smooth. Add the eggs and almond extract and beat until combined. Gradually sift in the flour and mix until the dough comes together like crumbs.

Take about half of the dough, wrap it securely in plastic, and refrigerate for minimum one hour, or you could go Smitten Kitchen’s route and freeze it for half an hour. Whatever works.

We’re not quite sure what happened with the crust. When Smitten Kitchen made this, it came through together easily enough. We, thinking we knew best, made a few changes: first, we added two eggs, instead of a single egg plus a yolk, as the recipe called for. We grated the cold butter as we usually do for crusts and pastries, though the recipe calls for room temperature butter. We ended up with a sandy, sticky dough, and T. was disappointed, because she’s been jonesing for farm-looking autumn stuff, and wanted to use her new rooster cookie cutter, or, barring that, her selection of leaves. Or, probably both, knowing her. The crust was just too …something for that. Heavy, sandy, sticky… you name it. We should have chilled it for more than fifteen minutes, but …um… we didn’t. We won’t say who’s fault that was. We went with Option B. and patted the crust down into our pan and figured we’d worry about tart top later.

Jam Tarts 6

The good thing about jam tarts is that it doesn’t really matter what kind of jam you use, but a word to those not wanting to flail about in a diabetic coma: use a tart jam or halve the amount of sugar in the crust! We had a jar of store-bought strawberry left over from the pirate cake a thousand years ago, unopened in a cabinet because we couldn’t bear to eat it ourselves. (One great thing work people are for: to eat food you wouldn’t otherwise know how to consume.) Our other choice was our lovely tart homemade blackberry jelly. We decided to use the less sweet jam in larger quantities, having some mercy on the health and well-being of D.’s coworkers. (As it turns out, he needn’t have bothered!).

After spreading the jam evenly on the bottom of each of the tart crusts, we rolled out a large piece of crust, and turned it over the pan. Some of it cracked a bit, but we knew it would melt together, and were not really concerned. We perhaps should have been! We had some small pieces left, and decorated the strawberry mini tarts with them, so eaters could tell the jams apart. We topped the crusts with the 2 tbsp. of sugar, and baked the tarts for twenty minutes in the oven.

They were gorgeous, and depanned pretty well. If you don’t plan to depan immediately, USE LINER PAPER ON YOUR PANS. Once the crust cools, it’s really not easy to get out, although it came out of the springform just fine (only the bottom stuck a little). We were surprised by how cookie-like and how unlike pastry the tart crust turned out to be. D. wasn’t fond of it at all, but T. tasted it, and said it reminded her of chewy sugar cookies. However, T. worried again that the strawberry tarts were simply too sweet, but they were among the first to go at D’s office, and the large bramble tart was consumed down to the last bite.

As you can see, the tarts are stacked in the carrier, and ready to ride in the cab. The large tart has been pre-sliced — and it sort of looks cracked, exactly like a cookie. It’s … maybe it’s the flour? We just expected the crust to be not quite so cookiesque. Weird.

Not bad for a first run, but we’ve got a bit of work to do on this one…

Run-up to World Bread Day: 10/16/10

Bagels with Alex 01

We don’t bake as much as we used to, finally having figured out that two people just cannot eat the amount of bread we produce and maintain figures that are anything other than spherical, but we still have a lot of fun baking for and with other people. Thus, we were glad to celebrate World Bread Day – also known as Welttag des Brotes, la Journée mondiale du pain, and el día mundial del pan, a day set aside by ye olde foodies around the globe to celebrate the staff of life. We participated in this day by hanging with our friend Axel, and teaching him to make bagels.

(Well, D. did the teaching. Axel did the work. T. sat on the couch and read a book until such time as her special skills of tasting were needed.)

Bagels with Alex 02

It was a perfect day for baking — the wind was just whipping along and while we enjoyed a brief walk through town, it was definitely a stay-inside kind of day. After much rummaging through various cupboards for bowls and pans, the World Bread Team decided on their bread and got started.

Newbie bread bakers are fun to watch, and Axel was more fun than most, as he sort of had a permanent expression of “Ugh!” on his face as the dough stuck to his hand… to the counter… and to the board on which he was kneading… He looked rather like a cat, disgusted with a puddle, and resisting the urge to shake his paws. Poor Axel. He persevered, though. We used a very high gluten (strong) flour, which allowed us to have a really tight, smooth dough, once it was all kneaded out, but it did start out a bit on the clingy side!

Bagels with Alex 03

Bagels aren’t that hard, of course – they’re just bread that’s boiled in a tablespoon of baking soda and water before they’re baked. We stuck with a simple recipe – plain bagels — but T. had her heart set on blueberry bagels. Except she forgot her blueberries. ::sigh:: Next time! There are tons of variations on bagels, but the variation D. reminisced about most fondly were the salt bagels we enjoyed in Santa Rosa. Much like fat, soft pretzels, these bagels were the perfect breakfast item – a slab of grilled tofu or a scrambled egg inside, and you had breakfast for on the go. Finding the right kind of salt is a bit tricky around here, but there’s plenty of other toppings, including poppy, sesame, or flax seeds and Parmesan. T. was even tempted to try baco-bits once, but was given a Look by a certain member of the baking team. ::repeat dramatic sigh::

Bagels with Alex 04
Bagels with Alex 05
Bagels with Alex 08

We probably didn’t let our bagels raise enough — the kitchen was a little cooler than we realized, and we weren’t really all that patient, to be honest, so our bagels more spread horizontally than got any kind of vertical lift on them, but for Axel’s first time, these really turned out well. They were crunchy on the outside and chewy when toasted, and just altogether yummy. We tried them first with plain margarine, and then loaded them up with Axel’s grandma’s strawberry preserves from Romania — again, yum.

In the spirit of World Bread Day being a global enterprise, we sampled our first taste of Brunost or mussmør – brown cheese from Norway. It’s right between the two plates, next to the jar of preserves in the picture… a creamy looking hunk of brown with a cheese slicer on top. While Brunost is a cheese, it’s …caramelized, and according to Wikipedia, is made by “boiling a mixture of milk, cream and whey carefully for several hours so that the water evaporates. The heat turns the milk sugar into caramel which gives the cheese its characteristic taste.” It’s sweet… and yet not really that sweet. Somehow, one expects it to be nutty, and instead it’s creamy. It’s definitely one of those “acquired” tastes! T. thinks it would pair well with hard pears or apples and D. felt it needed to be eaten with a particularly sharp, salty cheddar as well. Neither of us were sure it just goes with bread, and Axel didn’t eat any at all, but says his parents love it. We’ll have to experiment with it again and see what we think another day.

Bagels with Alex 10

World Bread Day 2010 (submission date October 16)

Riding in Cabs with Boors & Other Errata

Comic courtesy of Married to the Sea

You have now nearly made it through the week. Rejoice!

Of course, now that the weather is turning, it’s getting harder for people to GET to work. It’s wiiiiiindy right now, and the wee people of this city do not take kindly to being tossed about. Lines for the bus in the morning are quite long, and it’s standing room only, grim people cheek-by-jowl. And trying to get a cab can take forty-five minutes; the up-side is that we get to stand in the foyer of our building and chat with the neighbors while we practically press our noses against the glass and wait… and wait…

Since the bus company has hiked and hiked the fares in the three years we’ve lived here, we actually find it less expensive to take a cab when we can’t walk to our destination. To us, that seems a bit insane, as the point of public transportation, one would think, would be to get individual cars off the road, but somehow the city hasn’t quite gotten the same memo.

Charing Cross 508 HDR

While riding the bus does in fact some days give one a slice of city life that one would not otherwise touch with a ten foot pole, riding in cabs has its own special… funkiness. Namely in the form of …er, occasionally throat-closing funk. And there we shall draw a veil.

Other than malodorous drivers, the second most common pitfall of riding in cabs in the city is the fractious temperament of some of the drivers.

Now, one expects a driver to be somewhat of a people person — in that one has to ferry people about all day. (T. disagrees – one does not have to be a people person to drive people; merely an individual who knows six ways to get to the same place. Case in point: T’s dad. Formerly a Muni driver – currently a cranky introvert with a good sense of direction.) However, since bus drivers in the UK are in their own wee cages, away from the general hoi polloi (and sometimes on the phone!!!!), some don’t find it necessary to even acknowledge the people in the bus. This is actually just fine, what with the rest of the sturm und drang of humanity and the mini-dramas going on in the seats, the driver is quite welcome to his lofty solitude, and the rest of us only wish at times that we could share it.

Charing Cross 354

A cab driver, however, is sitting within five feet of the passengers (or much closer, if it’s a standard car and not a hansom cab), and despite usually being on the phone as well (which is illegal, yes, but it doesn’t faze anyone here as far as we can tell), or having the radio on to some extremely loud, hip hop music (or, worse, bad country), football game (or people arguing about the calls a coach made on a football game. Or rehashing the drafting of players for football — can you tell these people love their sport?) or singing in a lounge singer-y fashion (happens more often than we want to acknowledge), usually interacts with us, whether we want interaction or not. And really, it’s sort of inevitable.

When we first arrived in this country, the interactions were usually funny – nosy questions, mocking of our “Hollywood accents,” snickers when we bungled pronunciation (“It’s not Sauchie Hall, lass. It’s Socky hall! [Sauchiehall]), and the inevitable comparisons on weather – California vs. Glasgow. Sometimes the discussions were political (especially when we first arrived) and we were treated to rants on GW, or, during the election, enthusiastic support in broken English for Mr. Obama, and sometimes philosophical and interesting, and we were disappointed when the ride was over. However, there have always been the sniping remarks. Personal sneering about our clothes, about our destination, about the fact that “back in my day, we just hoofed it up to University,” (Yes, well, back in your day perhaps you weren’t carrying zucchini bread for your entire department, plus your laptop and a camera and a tripod and all your books, but whatever), etc. Just lately it’s been about the time of day we call the cab.

Sauchiehall Street 2

D., as a student, has a flexible work schedule with his office at Skypark, and spends a lot of time working from home, logging time for phone conversations and quick fixes he does on the days he’s not actually supposed to be working, and generally doing his best to appease his [insert adjectives here] boss. The days he actually goes in he’s sometimes quite early, and other times goes in a bit later than everyone else, but he puts in a certain amount of hours, and that’s that. It’s what tech guys do. Apparently it does not meet with the approval of certain cabbies.

Just the other day, D. got a dressing-down for going in to work late. Seriously. The driver acted as if he were doing this massive favor just by stopping at the house instead of driving aimlessly with no fares, and proceeded to lambaste D. about nothing in particular, and then snarl, “What time are you supposed to be in, anyway?” To which D. replied, “Whenever I get there.”

Well, that set him off all over again. “‘Tis all right for some,” he sniffed, and with much eyerolling and profanity stewed and spat the rest of the ride.

One of D’s coworkers reports being dressed down for her makeup and being driven out of her way, to a dicey part of town, and threatened with being let out there since that was where her kind lived. Which is really enough to terrify one into walking. (Hello? Sociopaths Anonymous???)

Woodlands Road 86

Inasmuch as it is really sort of spirit-bruising to start one’s day with criticism and sniping and traffic and horn-blowing and general boorishness from total a stranger, we both have decided that it’s not only dangerous but really foolish to respond in kind. A.) There’s no point in fighting with strangers, as it just makes you cranky, and B.) Plato’s aphorism, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle,” has never been more true, plus there’s the whole Golden Rule thing. Impersonal malice is much more easily ignored with that in mind.

There are at least three major cab companies in the city, and the drivers who are “shirty” and pugnacious aren’t from any particular company… so, we sometimes wonder if this is a.) just a city thing, b.) just a Glaswegian thing, c.) just a Scottish thing? Having lived in the ‘burbs and the States all of our lives prior to this time, we just have no idea. Any thoughts from knowledgeable urbanites very welcome!


We might as well start a TV series called Stuff My Choir Master Bellows, because what we hear there is loads better than any nonsense either of our fathers say. This past week, Sir Nearly Knighted was at his melodramatic best – striding up the aisle, mocking the second altos (which seems to be a favorite pastime), flinging himself to his desk over the tenors (“Tenors! You’re killing me! You’re singing with such long faces!” to which they protested, “It’s a requiem man!”), and glaring at the sopranos. His best line from the whole night was when we were going over a piece in the Cherubini where the sopranos missed reading the dynamic and muffled what was meant to be a very loud entry.

He glared up at the sopranos again and bellowed, “Libera eras! Libera! That means, “save your servants!” Not, “‘Och, weel, God, and if you get a moment, could you gie us a wee hand with things down here!'”

We really wish you could have heard the thick accent he put on for that. Sometimes we’re tempted to record rehearsals, but that’s a bit intrusive and rude and beyond the pale even for us, so we’ll content ourselves with still pictures sometime soon!

Haggis Potato Chips

Meanwhile, the Met Office has proclaimed this weekend to be the most glorious weekend of Indian summer (which truly — TRULY begs the question. There were never any Indians here, and the South Asian transplants don’t count on this one, so why is it called Indian Summer in the UK?? According to this helpful phrase site, “The English already had names for the phenomenon – St. Luke’s Summer, St. Martin’s Summer or All-Hallown Summer, but these have now all but disappeared and, like the rest of the world, the term Indian summer has been used in the UK for at least a century.” Once again, the U.S. exports popular culture…), and that we should brace ourselves for a horrific time until March. As we’re still waiting for the faithfully promised “bbq summer” the Met Office forecast for us two summers ago, we’ll cheerfully go on ignoring their advisories, but do plan to have Foraging Weekend II on Cumbrae Isle again, rain or shine. There’s been a good frost or two, and it’s time to go and get those rose hips/haws!

T’s been having a brief flirtation with Greek, Turkish, and Cypriot foods and cultures, in service of her newest middle grade novel, and so we’re eating lots of “kebabs,” (aka “kabobs,”) tomatoes, olives, yogurt, cucumbers and olive oil as well as imagining some really fabulous desserts. T’s found a Turkish doughnut recipe that uses rose hip syrup and is eager to try a fairly common autumn “hedgerow recipe” of apple and rose hip jelly. Meanwhile D’s in the mood for bagels, and Axel’s parents have given us their kitchen for the weekend. Interesting photos sure to follow.

Finally, enjoy the horror that is haggis-flavored crisps. Axel complains they “weren’t even very haggis-y.” One would think he would be just a bit glad of this.

Happy Weekend.

Um, Remember What We Said About the Food of Evil Cupcakes?

…About how the whole tiny-bites-of-frosting-in-annoying-paper thing is seriously out of control in the way a trend can only be when influenced by both our memories of classroom birthday parties, and the saccharine gushing of celebrity chefs? Part of the charm of the cupcake is the pastel link to childhood — but overexposure makes everything lose its charm. EVERYTHING. To wit: behold, The Electric Cupcake Maker.

You know that phrase “jump the shark?” It’s not just for TV shows anymore. The cupcake thing is OFFICIALLY out of control.

Six silicone cupcake “cases.” Little flashy lights. Ten minutes “and not an oven in sight.” Insane, isn’t it? You cannot find a decent bloomin’ waffle iron for love or money around here, but a cupcake iron? We’ve totally got your back on that one.

Foodies are just the weirdest people sometimes.

Image courtesy of Lakeland

Culinary, Quite Contrary

Not that T. would admit it or anything, but food blogger Gluten Free Girl is HER kind of girl. GFG’s …contrary. Not only for avoiding wheat products – she spends her days quietly avoiding the same social things T. avoids, which are generally the things most normal people enjoy.

In high school, for T. it was Mel Gibson movies. Now everyone else sees the wisdom in avoiding them (and him)? While T. – who actually saw him in person on a street in Vancouver when she was seventeen – was unwittingly an early adapter nonconformist. Culinarily, if that’s a word, it took us years and years to get one of those silicone baking mats, when everyone and their dog had one. For awhile the food blogger world was all agog over Jaimie Oliver, salted caramel everything, and cupcakes, bloody cupcakes. You’ll note that no more than a passing mention of that has made it to this blog. T. looks at trend-setting things, and says, “Yeah, they’re cute. Meh.” And D. has a fairly virulent distaste for all things Oliver and an eclectic desire for random recipes that are old, require strange Devices, or the use of a crank and lightning at midnight. We’re erratic and oblivious and that’s the usual state of things.

Kale Chips 1.2

So, when Gluten Free Girl talked about avoiding films like Forrest Gump (…Been there), Rain Man (…done that), and never watching The West Wing (…and have the T-shirt) and skipping culinary trends like roasted kale chips, T. gloried in the sensation of finding a woman after her own heart. And yet – last Wednesday T. got one of those best-friend emails that made confrontation unavoidable.

“Have you ever tried it?” was the innocent question.

Well, no. Heck, no! NEVER!

(But one does try so hard to look like a well-balanced, prudent person in public.) “Well, not yet – but how does Friday sound?” T. decided to reply.

As much as we love kale around these parts, it seemed stupid to not at least try it. And after some hemming and hawing and checking out Gluten Free Girl‘s take on the recipe as well as Smitten Kitchen’s T. decided on an approach.

Kale Chips 1.5

We would have preferred to use plain kale for this, but it’s not really deep into kale season here, for some reason, and the only way it’s available at Sainsbury’s, anyway, is pre-washed and pre-chopped in bag form. Not the way we want to deal with it, but since the recipe calls for tearing or chopping it into bite-sized pieces, it’s a way to begin. We used two bags of kale, which come in 200 gram bags… normally that’s a cup or seven and a half ounces, but with kale it was about five cups of springy kaleish goodness. (Most recipes call for about four cups, packed.)

We lined a bowl with paper towel and blotted the water from the kale, turning it and ruffling it with our hands. We went through and removed all of the stems (they don’t turn into chips – they’re wood, people). We then pulled out the paper and measured two tablespoons of olive oil into the bowl. T. massaged the oil into the greens.

At this point, some recipes advise the use of salt. We chose not to do this. 1.) Because we never salt food before it’s cooked, and 2.) Because salt removes water from vegetables, and if you salt before you roast, how do you know if you’ve used too much salt until it’s far too late? We also planned to use our Patented Popcorn Herb Blend on the kale, so chose to simply roast the veg. We turned the oven on to about 250°F/125°C and put the timer on for thirty-five minutes. And then we watched the oven like hawks. Depending on your greens, thirty-five minutes can be too long, and for the first time through this process, we wanted to be sure.

Kale Chips 1.6

We pulled the pans out frequently, and at one point dumped the greens out and ruffled our fingers through them and put them back onto the pan. At such a low temp, the roasting took place in roughly twenty-eight minutes, and we were happy with what they looked like. We dusted them with the PPH blend and a bit of salt, and sampled. Hmm. We shook a few of the smaller pieces through a cooling rack and set them aside to grind and use WITH the PPH Blend. We sampled some more. And some more …

You know, the world is not always kind to innovators. Who was the first person who said, “Hey, let’s take the wizened grain of this maize plant and put it over fire and watch it explode, ricochet all around, and then let’s eat the white stuff that appears next?” Or, imagine the first person to decide that cacti would be really awesome if they could just strip off the spines? Or, T’s favorite question of all time, who decided to eat the round whitish thing that came out of that bird’s backside? There are some really improbable foods in the world. Kale chips are one of them. You might consider trying them, though. Not that we’re going to talk about it all day or anything. We’re not on any food bandwagon, here. But they’re good, in a totally non-conformist way.

Just sayin’.

BUT BE WARNED. Remember how we said we’d taken two bags of kale to make this? We munched our way, reading and writing email and blah, blah, blah, with hand moving to mouth (and to towel to keep the keyboard reasonably clean) over and over again… and then remembered: That was five cups of kale in each bag. Kids: that’s a lot of fiber. DRINK a few QUARTS of water, and put the rest of the tasty crunchies away.

No, do it NOW. Or you will be very, very sorry…

-D & T

A Scone is Not A Biscuit, And Other Friday Observations

You know you’ve made it in the world of volunteer culinary when you start getting requests.

He says, “Wouldja make me some of those cheese scones? Like m’grandmother used to make?”

Cheese Scones 1

While it’s all very well to be asked to make something, no one in the world is ever going to measure up to a grandmother’s baking. Anyone’s grandmother’s baking. (Except maybe T’s; she begs her family to remember the red velvet cake. ::shudder::)

D. put off the scones with a box of Kahlúa brownies, which were an excuse for T. to decorate them with little gold balls and make the individual pieces look like dominoes (no pictures of those, sadly – they vanished), but after a cranky complaint from a dieting coworker, D. woke up Friday morning with the idea of a savory treat in his head – one the coworker didn’t like, and wouldn’t eat.

Cheese scones it was.

The recipe was somewhat of a surprise. D. did a bit of research, starting with the redoubtable Cynthia’s blog, Tastes Like Home, visiting the BBC Food page and passing by The Fresh Loaf for more inspiration. He did a lot of muttering. “What? Eggs?” he exclaimed. “Who puts eggs in biscuits?” We quickly learned that a scone is not a biscuit, no matter how similar they might appear to be. After a bit of poking around, we finally settled on a little input from each recipe blog, and roughed out a recipe that went something like this:

Sharp Cheese Scones

Cheese Scones 4

  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 1/2 tbsp of baking powder plus 1/2 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/2 stick butter
  • 1 large egg
  • 2 tbsp whole milk
  • 1 cup strong cheddar, grated plus 1/3 c. finely grated Parmesan
  • 1/3 tsp salt
  • 2 tsp mustard
  • 1 tbsp. dried chives, optional
  • Pinch of Cayenne pepper, optional
  1. Combine dry ingredients – flour, salt and pepper.
  2. With a fork, cut in the butter and when thoroughly combined, mix in the grated cheese.
  3. In a separate bowl, beat the egg. Add in the milk; add mixture to the dry ingredients to create a soft, elastic dough.
  4. Roll out the mixture on a lightly floured surface. Cut into round shapes and place on a well greased tray.
  5. Bake in a pre-heated oven in the center rack at 350° for fifteen minutes, or until golden brown.

We differed briefly on the method of cutting the scones. T. is a drop-biscuit kind of gal, and D’s mother always cut them out, so he does, too. For the scones, T. wanted to have the wedge-shaped type, which are simply cut with a wet knife, and D. wasn’t having it. Compromise was reached by having a little of both.

Cheese Scones 8

Though the dough was somewhat obstreperous – from the butter being dug out from the freezer and grated – the scones were almost as easy as biscuits, and smelled scrumptious when they were baking. They looked lovely, but after a taste test, T. was only “meh” about them. “They’re …buttery,” she said, and made a face. (T. does not like the buttery. Does not like the short. Does not like shortening bread, shortbread cookies, or pie crust. We know. We deal with her as we do all the insane: we speak gently to her and let her gnaw on celery like she wants.) D. was “meh” about them because he felt they should be spicier. We loaded the scones up to take them to our British Tasting Audience. Several Irishmen, a bunch of Scots men and women and a few gents from the Commonwealth countries of India and Africa were to be our victims subjects. What would they say?

Reactions were gratifying. Most of the British Tasting Audience (BTA) were excited to find the scones still warm. Several made gleeful remarks about their grandmothers, and moved to surround the plate where they lay. (Not the grandmothers. The scones. Stay with us, here.)

The original requester of the scones described them as “perfect,” which was a happy event – apparently D. is every bit as good a baker as his grandmother in at least one thing. And then, some of the BTA found the scones “spicy.” We can assure you that no more than a quarter teaspoon of Cayenne was added, so the word “spicy” in this context made T., who douses her food with Cholula at every opportunity, lie down on the floor and weep. However! The highest compliment was paid by D’s boss, who is a grinch-hearted grump before ten a.m. when the “trolley” comes by with sandwiches, bagels, and scones for elevenses. D. can rarely speak to his boss before that hour, and today — today his boss skipped the trolley and ate two scones. A happy, reasonable man prior to ten a.m.! (Well, a happy man, anyway. Let’s not push things.)

We’re still not sure if it was our recipe or the way we made the scones or what, but while this wasn’t a favorite for either one of us, they were passably good (and go well under beans, as if one was having beans on toast). D. is excited to have found a lemon rosemary scone recipe, while T. is pretty sure that scones are just made to be eaten with jam. Lots and lots of jam… and she saw a recipe that has the jam baked in on top. Experiments will follow!

The BTA is actually pleased to know that D. takes requests, and is plotting something else for him to make. Meanwhile, D. is not resting on his laurels, but is instead wondering how to make pierógi…

Cheese Scones 6

They Call It Bramble Jelly

Blackberry Jelly 1

It’s tough to add as much sugar to blackberries as they need without, to our mind, totally ruining the taste of the blackberries. Jams and jellies simply need a lot of sugar in order for such acidic stuff to gel. What to do? We use a.) agar, which is seaweed flakes, or b.) pectin, if we can find an unsulphured version (which we cannot so far around here) or c.) we use cornstarch, which is our absolute last resort to make a jelly, because the texture is subtly like pie-filling instead of jelly then.

Of course, if that was what you were planning to do with the blackberries anyway, well, then, you’re well on your way. If not: just know that blackberries around here are tart! So, jelly may be the best option.

We started this post ages ago, and never did actually get to slotting in all of the pictures, because we’re not very happy with the look of the jam. Something we did made it not as clear as it could be – the boil was off somehow. No matter – we’ve had our first frost, and as soon as it quits raining for five minutes, we’re going to find that patch of rose hips…

EDITED TO ADD:

Blackberry Jelly 5

This is the pic we didn’t post – as you can see, the jelly is not clear purple. Bubbles formed in it, so it’s cloudy. Bah. We have tons, though, and it is tart-sweet and we’ll be using it layered at the bottom of apple pie, right on the crust, and then the apples go on top. Blackberries and apples go really well together.