Burnt-out Ends of Smoky Days: Goodbye 2009

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Ah Poverties, Wincings, and Sulky Retreats
by Walt Whitman

Ah, poverties, wincings, and sulky retreats,
Ah you foes that in conflict have overcome me,
(For what is my life or any man’s life but a conflict with foes, the old, the incessant war?)
You degradations, you tussle with passions and appetites,
You smarts from dissatisfied friendships, (ah wounds the sharpest of all!)
You toil of painful and choked articulations, you meannesses,
You shallow tongue-talks at tables, (my tongue the shallowest of any;)
You broken resolutions, you racking angers, you smother’d ennuis!
Ah think not you finally triumph, my real self has yet to come forth,
It shall yet march forth o’ermastering, till all lies beneath me,
It shall yet stand up the soldier of ultimate victory.

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Ah, it seems that Mr. Whitman has got our number — we’re half in and half out with 2009 — bemoaning the tarnished glory of what was going to be a wonderful year, and, inadvisedly optimistic, relentlessly hopeful, looking toward the new and unblemished 2010. Here’s to our “real self” stepping out from behind pettiness and meanness and “o’ermastering” our tendency to sulk and retreat.

Onward.

Roll on, 2010. Happy New Year, guys.

Enliven?

Enliven, UK version

Enliven, US version

In Glasgow, we couldn’t get over the fact that a hand sanitizer (you know: alcohol gel) is named Enliven. Why would anybody want to enliven their germs? Perhaps they were stretching, trying to make the point that you’d be healthier if you only killed off enough microbes?

In California, Enliven is a brand of beverage, sold in health-food stores. The connection, there, is clear: it’s to make you healthier, or at least it’s supposed to be good for you.

The Long Chaise Lounge of the Law

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Some people have this vacationing thing down.

Like our UK friends — they go places like Cyprus and lounge by the pool in the sun, observing lizards, and doing as little as possible. Or they take in Tenerife, like our friend Neil, who is completely in bliss at the sea, the sun, and the idea that the Tenerife could be just like a 22nd century moon colony: perfect. With some exceptions.

Now, granted, with six weeks of vacation a year, the United Kingdom has a lot more practice at vacationing than we do, but we’re always just gobsmacked, right about now, at how rested other people appear to be at the end of their vacations, and how absolutely frazzled we manage to be. Case in point:

Other People do not manage to take hundreds of photographs for the yearbook at a nearby school, just by virtue of the fact that they have a really neat, new camera and attended a big bells/band/choral Christmas program. Other People could probably resist this lure.

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Other People do not involve themselves in Christmas services which require rehearsal and sight-reading new music, and the wearing of floor-length synthetic robes, in disputed shades of pink (it is not burgundy. Sorry.);

Other People do not volunteer to pick, wash, peel and create marmalade of twenty pounds of lemons, with the agreement that forty pounds would be nice next time, and we should really keep going on this and strip the tree;

Printer Repair 1

Other People do not visit their parents at work, which necessitates doing things like hanging angels from a ceiling in a workplace hallway while said parent’s coworkers look on with interest, and creating, typing up and folding a holiday program and Christmas letter for said parent’s clients;

Ditto the parent at work thing, which also necessitated an EIGHT HOUR, TAKE IT APART DOWN TO THE LAST SCREW HP Printer repair job, since said parent also did something weird when loading up the color cartridges and it was “stuck” (more on that later, to be sure);

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Other People do not take manuscripts with them on vacation, and have many, many conversations back and forth with editors and send documents hither and yon, and finish books (WOOT!). Other People do not bring half of the books they need to read for the award they’re judging, to the detriment of the number of clothes that they packed. Other People do not fiddle with their Ph.D survey and respond to inane and intelligent questions and telecommute a few hours here and there so the people in the office don’t feel abandoned. Other People are probably better rested on their vacations, and it might be that Some People are just the tiniest bit unable to stop and just be on vacation.

Maybe.

Of course, it could be that Other People don’t have their whole lives tucked away in one corner of the world, and a cavalcade of new beaus, new babies, and immediate news to impart. Other People don’t have the chance to be gobsmacked at how some have grown taller, grown wider, or grown teeth, and to be grieved at those who have waned and faded and are passed. Other People aren’t us, which is just as well, since Other People would probably be a little bored living our frenetic, frantic, stuff-crammed-in-every-day lives.

That being said, after this last program this weekend, we are SO going to remember what it means to be on VACATION. We are going to sleep in. At least once. T. has laid down the law… inasmuch as you can have a law for a vacation. There will be REST. There will be LOUNGING. There will be HOT TUBS and LOLLING ABOUT. Thus spake T.


Lemon Marmalade 1.2

Meanwhile, the egg-free lemon marmalade was a smashing success (eggs would have made curd, which is … gross). Meyer lemons are so mild and tasty that it’s hard to think of a dish where they won’t go. So far, they’ve been included in a marinade for skirt steak (which we are told was amazing) and are reputed to be used for a marinade or baste for grilled turkey. Thus far, we’ve enjoyed it over ice cream and will probably try and create some lemon bars or layer it in gingerbread sandwich cookies.

We’ve seen the resurrection of the pineapple upside down cake this year as well, and were surprised at how much one cake can vary from one time to the next if you use dark or light brown sugar, and sift the flour just so. Using eggs from the hens down the road also makes each cake different, since the eggs are not uniform sizes. Either way – it was fun, and next week’s challenges include making a remake of a Guinness Cake and possibly recreating a Clementine Pie… as well as a specific kind of noodle soup, some pasta, some Chinese dumplings ….well, you can see how the list goes on. One good things is that there’s finally a bit sun and dry weather here again, and we’ll get out and get some decent walks… jogs… hikes to offset all the good food. T. was out walking already this morning, and the high today is forecast to be a bright and sunny 65°F/18°C., which is pretty glorious for a day in December.

We hear it’s supposed to snow tonight in Glasgow.

Oh, dear.

We’d better enjoy putting our feet up and the sun on our faces while we can.

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Signs

No Fly Tipping

When we were first in Glasgow, we were confronted with signs telling us that “fly tipping” was a bad thing. We were quite confused, because … well, the words didn’t make any sort of sense to us. Upon close examination of the sign, though, were were given to understand that “littering” was the activity under discussion.

Concord 2

I wonder whether the Glaswegians would be equally confused by the concept of not dumping things into the storm drains, in order to protect the fish. Everything in Scotland, after all, eventually ends up under enough water to carry it to the sea. Would the sign tell them anything?

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The Scottish sign tries to appeal to people on the level of “making the city better.” The Californian sign plays on people’s care for nature, or at least tries to make the person dumping something feel guilty about causing harm to the fish. When you think about it, the Glasgow sign works on hope, the Californian sign on guilt. The Glasgow sign mentions penalties, the Californian one just has a picture of the fish you’ll be poisoning.

Coming back to California, we’re confronted by so many of these little differences. Lafayette 31 They’re not things you’d notice unless you’d lived in both places, or were particularly observant, but they are not insignificant. How does a city function? On what basis? How does it create order? Who and what are important?

In Glasgow, I find myself criticizing things because they don’t make sense to me (for example, the locked recycle bins which can only be filled one can or bottle at a time). Here, I find myself realizing things like that pedestrians ought to have a few more rights (and sidewalks), and that it’d be nice if there were a Data Protection Act here in the US.

In going away, we see things more clearly. Distance brings objectivity.

Snow?

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How is it that it’s snowing in Northern California before it’s snowed in Glasgow? It was supposed to be snowing a few days before we left, but … it held off. Now, we’re back “home” and it’s snowed. The days here are way colder than it is in Glasgow (although it’s more humid in Glasgow, so it feels colder). It’s … just Not Fair!

The world, here, is much quieter than it is in Glasgow: we don’t have any pubs close by, nor any major roadways, nor … anything really. We’re enjoying sleeping in, doing nothing much, and just … getting a bit of rest, to recuperate from Glasgow. Maybe tomorrow we’ll get ’round to working on writing. Yeah. Maybe.

We have a fireplace, here. And plenty of wood to burn. Maybe … we’ll just nap a lot.

Simple Gifts

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‘Tis a gift to be simple, ’tis a gift to be free,

‘Tis a gift to come round where we ought to be
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

It will be in the valley of love and delight

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend, we shan’t be ashamed.
To turn, and turn, will be our delight,

‘Til by turning, turning we come round right.

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‘Tis a gift to be gentle, ’tis a gift to be fair,

‘Tis a gift to wake and breathe the morning air,

To walk every day in the path that we choose,

Is the gift that we pray we will never lose.

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend, we shan’t be ashamed.
To turn, and turn, will be our delight,

‘Til by turning, turning we come round right.

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‘Tis a gift to be loved, and that love to return

‘Tis a gift to be taught, and a richer gift to learn

When we “do unto others,” use our strength to heal

We will light up the world with a peace that is real.

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend, we shan’t be ashamed.
To turn, and turn, will be our delight,

‘Til by turning, turning we come round right.

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May you walk in the light. Happy Thanksgiving.

Saving Your Eyes

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It’s dark.

This picture? Was taken at 2:30 in the afternoon.

That’s just one of those things, in winter. Darkness. And here’s your little Public Service Announcement about mental health: one in four people try to hibernate this time of year, and that same number feel absolutely traumatized by the overwhelming giddiness of high summer. Seasonal Affective Disorder, in spite of the stultifyingly lame acronym, is real. Pay attention.

The dark this week is is getting ridiculous, as there’s a thirty mile an hour scouring wind rattling the doors in their frames, and low-crouching clouds glowering down to go with it. The clouds, once they get a good crouch going, just do. not. let. up.

It’s dark in the morning, and we sit stupidly on the bed, blinking after the alarm — which we only have to use this time of year — pulls us from heavy sleep. It’s dark in the evening, and like the little moth-brains we are, we huddle close to our electronics, our cold fires, irises expanded to the limit to soak in all available light, and let the flickering screens keep our brains jumping.

It’s true. The amount of light emitted from electronics can fool your brain into thinking it’s not sleepy — why else are you up after midnight playing online Solitaire, or watching Law & Order reruns with your irises wide open like a drug addict’s? You’re sleepy, yet your brain hasn’t yet gotten the clue to go to bed.

T. has begun her usual just-before-we-go-home-I-don’t-sleep routine, and is becoming more weirdly light sensitive than usual as a result. Going to bed at 3 a.m. and still lying sleepless is definitely a problem, and while limiting the full-spectrum bulbs is the evening is a partial solution, we very fortuitously stumbled onto something that might help.

It’s called f.lux. It’s free software to change the color lighting of your computer monitor. Every monitor has something to change the brightness — but this is the first thing we’ve ever seen that changes color from warm to cool shades, depending on the time of day. As the site says, “During the day, computer screens look good—they’re designed to look like the sun. But, at 9PM, 10PM, or 3AM, you probably shouldn’t be looking at the sun.”

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For people who work with a monitor more than four hours a day, who work late, or who work in low wattage environments, this can be really helpful for the amount of light the eyes have to deal with. T’s optic migraines — the little floaty black imprints she “sees” when she closes her eyes — have already lessened just from working with a sort of pinkish screen for an hour. As the sun moves over the horizon, the monitor light continually shifts and adjusts, so it’s going to be an ongoing little test to see how well we like this, and what we think of it. It’s …interesting so far. Check it out for yourself.

And get some sleep.

Writing for Plagiarists

So, I got this email today (I removed their website, ’cause I’m certainly not advertising for them.), and I’m … having to really have a think about what it means:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to introduce vacancies of “Freelance Writer” at the Student Research Ltd. We are a leading provider of customised essays, reports, dissertations and exam answers to students. Despite recession and ongoing financial crisis we have experienced enormous growth in the last two years and are currently expanding our team of writers to meet additional demand for this academic year.

Once you are selected as a writer, we shall offer you essay writing work from time to time in your areas of expertise. It will be completely up to you if you want to accept a piece of work offered by us or not, thus giving you complete flexibility to take work according to your schedule. However once you have accepted a piece, you would be responsible for the following:

  • To complete the piece of work (i.e. an essay, report, dissertation etc.) undertaken by you on or before the agreed deadline and in accordance with the academic standard required (i.e. 1st Class, 2.1, 2.2).
  • To provide completely original work free of any form of plagiarism.
  • To complete any reasonable amendments requested by the client on the piece of work you have completed.

At the end of every month, you will be paid for all the work you have completed for that month. Working for us as a writer has the following benefits:

  • Earning potential of up to £2000 per month.
  • Excellent rates of pay, we normally pay £30-£40 per thousand words. This is based on a standard 2.1 essay. For higher academic standard or other special requirements rates are altered to reflect the changes. Sometimes we may also ask you to provide us a quotation for a particular piece.
  • Flexibility: You work from home, manage your own time and can take as much or as little work as you want.
  • You get to learn a lot while researching and writing on different topics in you areas of interest, thus increasing your knowledge and actually getting paid for it…!!!
  • All writer positions are Self-Employed and you will be responsible for your own tax.

We are a registered company and abide by the UK law and regulations. For more details about the services we provide, please visit our website:

XXXX.co.uk

 

Regards

Maria Thompson

HR

 

Student Research Limited

Registered in England and Wales No: 7013558.

Telephone: XXXX XXX XXX

Email: [email protected]

Web Address: XXXX.co.uk

 

STATEMENT OF CONFIDENTIALITY: This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the system manager. Please note that any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Finally, the recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

So, they’re asking me to work for them and to “provide completely original work free of any form of plagiarism.” For sale. To students. For them to submit as their own, original work. All at a rate of £0.03 – £0.04 per word, for writing a high-school essay.

Leaving aside the pay rate, I’m just wondering at the paradox in asking for a plagiarism-free essay which is written for the express purpose of, itself, being the victim of plagiarism. I understand that, yes, this company isn’t committing a crime. But, certainly, their clients intend to do so.

Puppies, Bears, and ….

Andrex Puppies

Why? Why is there a brand of Toilet Paper which has built their ad campaign around … puppies? We have asked this of people here, to be told “well, because, a puppy’s soft, innit?” Well, OK. Puppies … are soft. Exactly WHAT, though, does their softness have to do with anything of a toileting nature?

And dare we ask of what there are hundreds to choose? Puppies? Rolls of toilet paper?

The other alternative at our neighborhood Sainsbury, is to have an infant, dressed as a C.E.O. on the package. What does that say about what’s going to be taking place down there, hmm? OK, soft as a baby’s … sure, sure, but why is it soft as a baby dressed in a suit and tie?

No, it’s no better than that ghastly American brand of toilet paper with the bears sitting behind trees, reading newspapers, that we always muted. Toilet paper companies must be very hard up for advertising ideas all over. And don’t get us started on the NAME of the stuff: “Andrex.” Should you even have an x in a toilet paper name? Aren’t there rules against that? It sounds as if it were either related to Data from Star Trek, or were somehow related to a unisex toilet…


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THIS bear, now, we can understand. He’s there, so that we can (every Friday) donate to some charity, if we choose to “dress down.” Yep: Casual Friday=, you give £1 to a charity. It’s a shame, though, that somebody felt the need to infect this poor bear with such nasty diseases! I mean, really: pink and blue and green, seeping sores? That’s GOT to be something hideously infectious! Is it Swine Flu??

Yes, it’s the weekend, can you tell? The last bits of sanity have all gone swirling gently down the drain. What a week.

We are down to eight hours and eighteen minutes of daylight; the sun comes at nine minutes before eight, and goes down to full dark at eight minutes after four. Suffice it to say that we’ve been having trouble getting up and going to bed. Don’t know why, but it happens every single year. This is the dragging time that we experienced our first winter in Glasgow, which is why we’ve done our best to make sure we’re elsewhere for the last few worst weeks before Solstice. The light just drains down out of the day, and all we want to do is sleep.

Fortunately, our evil chiropractor has a great idea. T., has some functional issue with her spine/pelvis/hip, as the result of her gimpy joints, and has been prescribed a few visits with a Pilates instructor. Once our muscles are screaming (yes, OUR, she feels it’s fair game to drag along D.) we’ll have no problem hobbling to bed and falling out.

Getting up might be an even bigger problem, however.

Happy Weekend. Stay warm.