Radio Interview

Lynedoch Crescent D 368 (by wishiwerebaking)

I’ve just been on the phone with Mark Horwich, of American Public Media’s Marketplace radio show. What was supposed to be a ten minute conversation turned into thirty minutes.

We discussed my recent abandonment of FaceHook, just what’s wrong with the site, where they might end up, how they’ve conducted a bait-and-switch with their users, how the site has been designed to dissuade people from managing their privacy and their content, and how the site has locked people in by actively preventing communication. He wanted to know whether I was successful at getting anyone else to leave with me (“I have no way to check”), and whether I thought there was a future for FaceHook.

He also asked how I thought that FaceHook could make money, to which I responded that people would probably have been just as happy to have “instant personalization” if it had been on an opt-in basis, rather than having it forced upon them. Plus, the poor timing of it, as it came with sweeping changes to privacy, have conspired to bring both of these problems to people’s attention.

Have a listen, if you’re anywhere near one of their stations, or listen to them online. I hope to be included in the final broadcast, and will post again when they have a podcast up.


In related news, the Government of Norway claims that FaceHook has been reselling personal information. Does that surprise anybody?

-D

Behind the Museum

Steinhart Aquarium 120

During our department’s PhD reading group today, we were discussing the role of museums and the role of the curatorial staff within museums, and I got to thinking of some of the people I’d worked with when I worked for a large museum (which shall remain unnamed here).

The museum where I worked (when I was in Junior College) was one of the only museums in the US to perform soil analysis for the purpose of determining fossil content, and had a massive, comparative collection to support that analysis. My job was fairly mind-numbing and mostly involved washing dirt. Yes – washing dirt.

There were immense piles of dirt out in back of the museum, which had been collected from all over the place (sometimes to survey an area for road-building, sometimes illicitly and for the interest of the museum staff, but more on that later). We’d make up tags (aluminum cans, cut into squares, and written on with a ball-point pen to make an impression), go out to whichever pile of dirt was on the schedule for that day, and gather some dirt up into box-screens. These screens were of varying grades, but usually fairly fine mesh (think, window-screen, at the finest). We’d then take those screens over to our “workstations:” 50-gallon drums which had been cut in half lengthwise, resting on stands out in an orange grove. We’d fill the drum with water, and wash all of the silt out of the soil. The soil would then be set out in the sun to dry, we’d dump the silt into a ditch (which had to be mucked out periodically), and … wash the next set of screens.

If things had come out fairly cleanly, that was the end of the process: the screens would be looked over by a technician to find the teeth and bone fragments, then examined by a paleontologist.

Sometimes, if the screens had too many minerals in them (quartz and feldspar), I’d perform another step: I’d ladle the bits into a bucket of zinc-bromide acid. The quartz and feldspar would float to the top, and the fossils would sink to the bottom. At the end of the process, I might end up with 1 cup of fossils (and a few heavier minerals), and buckets of quartz and feldspar. All of this was then washed and dried yet again, to be looked over by the museum staff.

Another general task of all of we lackeys was to wash away flesh from rotting animals, which were generally stashed around beneath the orange trees, but had been kept upon the roof of the museum at one point; it was nice and sunny up there, after all, and good for rotting. It was also near the intake for the ventilation system, so was relocated after a wonderful explosion of a glass jar (rotting generates pressure, after all). Sometimes we’d boil the carcasses (a python, in one instance) to accelerate the rotting process.

The skeletons – fresh, shiny, and free of any abrasions because they’d been rotted away, rather than having the flesh removed by mechanical means – would then be added to the comparative collection.

So, behind the scenes at the museum, we had about a dozen teenagers, perhaps a few people performing community-service (it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to wash dirt, and it helps if you aren’t), and about 15 other people, none of whom was involved with the exhibits of the museum, or giving tours, or speaking to the general public.

It is these “other people” which are the whole point of the workings behind the museum. I would like to describe a few of them for you.

“Chico.” Chico had a special task, at the museum: he was in charge of the clay. You see, sometimes the soil would be comprised of clay, and this wouldn’t easily give up its fossils. So, he’d break up the clumps of clay with water, put the clumps into paint buckets, and then douse them in kerosene. He’d then go after the clay with his hands (no gloves for him – his arms up to his elbows had no pigment as a result). Chico spoke little English, and his wife made wonderful burritos, but that’s about all I know about the man. Terminally shy, he’d sometimes share his food with me, but generally avoided company. He just … worked with his arms in kerosene all day, every day.

Our Resident (literally) Paleontologist. This man was an absolute phenomenon. You could bring him a tooth or bone, and he’d tell you exactly which rodent had lost it, how old that rodent was (geologically), whether the specimen was unique enough to include in the collection, and whether it was a rare find. He worked full-time for two museums, performing this magic trick. He also lived in his Volkswagon van, which he parked in the museum lot during Winter, and around beneath the trees when it was warmer. I say “lived,” but this is quite misleading: he merely passed out there, if he made it there, because he really did live in the museum. I suspect that he lived in just the same way at his second job, as well.

Dr. Death. I don’t suppose that, when pursuing a Master’s Degree in Paleontology, this guy ever thought he’d end up as he did: he was in charge of acquisitions of new specimens, and directed the process of “rotting off.” This meant that his weekends were consumed by loading his own ammunition with just enough gunpowder and bird-shot to stun an animal (lizards were his specialty) without breaking any bones. He’d then gas the animal to death and bring it back to the museum. If he needed to acquire a specimen from a state park, or from somewhere which didn’t necessarily want him shooting things, he’d go out with a slingshot. He worked full-time during the week, but these acquisitions were what really made him happy.

The Director. This man had a thing for dirt. Fossils in general were interesting, of course, but he loved the hunt for small fossils, and would go to great lengths to acquire new ones. Most of the time this involved driving hundreds of miles to collect dirt in the bed of his pickup truck, but sometimes this meant begging for access to somebody’s private property. And if they didn’t listen to his begging? Well, sometimes he’d drive out in the middle of the night, with a shovel and some buckets, and simply take what he thought might prove interesting.

The Director was truly one for acquisition, and couldn’t turn down a body: he once got hold of a dead camel. The problem with this corpse was, of course, that it was huge, and that carrion beetles need their food to be dried out (they live in the desert, after all). So, The Director carted his camel off to the desert somewhere and buried him, where he remained, checked on routinely (against thieves! Because there are grave robbers out to rob honest men), for five years. By the time the camel was suitably dessicated, the museum’s collection of carrion beetles had died due to a fungus (somebody hadn’t properly freeze-dried their food). The dessicated camel remained buried in the sands, awaiting the arrival of a new colony of beetles.

As to the rest, well, I never really had to meet them: they mostly huddled over piles of pebbles, picking out the teeth and bones, I think. I didn’t really make it into the back of the museum – at least, not to the inside of the back of the museum. That was for the privileged few.

To be honest, though, if the characters known to me are any representation, I think that the people inside the hidden sanctum of the museum were probably not “people persons.” I can’t imagine them having anything to say to the general public, much less explaining why mouse-teeth were interesting or important. They never made it into the exhibits of the museum, and would probably have been confused had they done so. They were simply interested in the collection, and worked to further its own, mysterious ends.

These recollections came to mind because we were pondering the divide between the inner sanctum of museums, collections, archives, and libraries. All four tend to exclude the general public to some degree, despite presenting some sort of a public face – a place where children can come to explore, or where hobbyists can learn about their relatives, or what have you. This public face is a sort of sideshow to what these researchers regard to be the main event: the things which are central to their real work.

We were wondering about this divide, and about the pressures upon museums, collections, archives, and libraries: funding pressures, publication pressures, pressure to digitize their materials, and pressure to grant access to their materials (while perhaps not having enough space to house them). Add to that list that they must provide some sort of info-tainment, and a cafe, and you can see that there’s a bit of a crisis in these communities. How will they survive, and in what form? What role should they serve, and what role do they play in the larger community?

-D

How much time does it take you…

I’m just wondering whether you’d all consider how much time you actually spend using FaceBook (or, as I call it, FaceHook). I’m sitting here, realizing that I’ve finished reading my blogs for the day, and that I do have homework to do, but that I’m missing the fiddling about, being a voyeur into the “lives” of those people who are on FB. So. How much time do you spend on there, anyway? What do you get out of it? Do you really feel like you’re connecting to people? Do you have lasting, deep friendships because of it?

Get thee behind me, FaceHook!

Glasgow Uni D 665

So, I deleted my FaceHook account today, not without a fair amount of angst and some resistance from the friends and family who continue to use it. I just couldn’t countenance the thing any longer, and am glad that it’s gone, frankly. I figure that it’ll get me some incentive to get back to blogging, and that this is a better way to keep in contact with people than that thing ever was.

Now, it’s off to make bread.

Home: Some Assembly Required

Lynedoch Crescent T 102

It was bound to happen eventually, one supposes, though we have met other Americans who have said it’s never happened for them.

We’ve apparently now got friends*.

Oh, okay, fine. We’ve had lots of acquaintances, and they’ve been lovely, but though everyone is charming and friendly (except the people who are not), there is still an air of reserve with many of our acquaintances in this city, and though we know tons of people we’ve been invited to the homes of only a few. (T. takes this moment to point out that this is entirely okay, and she’s not angling for any invitations anywhere, ever – we’re just pointing out a cultural observation, as it were.)

So, it was a bit of a shock the other day to have a friend of D’s text that she was on our street, and wondering if he wanted to have a meal with her, and then to have her, upon finding that we’d already eaten, take him up on his polite invitation and agreeably wander to our back gate.

You can imagine T’s …well, full-out shrieking hysteria. She cleaned the bathroom and put out fresh towels and lit candles, and wondered if she had time to wash the volcano dust off anything but the windowsills. Bad that it was a former staff member at the university; worse that it was a woman whom she’d never met. Worse still was the fact that the wind had picked up, the volcano had gone off again and there was gritty black ash dust on every flat surface. There was much running around and eventually it was determined that there was nothing else to be done, so we sat down, and our guest arrived.

Lynedoch Crescent T 99

Good thing we’d just gotten a couch.

Okay, yes. We’ve been here in this flat a full year now, and spent a year with only the most basic of furniture. Friends of ours from Napa were “in the country” and dropped by and …sat in our office chairs, while we sat on pillows on the floor. Most of our friends and family in the 50+ category prefer not to sit on a hardwood floor, for some odd reason (and some much younger seem to have the same objection), so we’ve been thinking that perhaps we ought to do something about our theoretical guests’ level of comfort.

Plus, we’ve been told that our living room, what with the file cabinet and the desks, looks like an …office.

Lynedoch Crescent T 100

We declined to visit the Blue and Yellow Box of a Swedish Store Which Shall Not Be Named, and instead looked around to see what we could find locally. Futon couches and a reasonably priced kitchen table and chairs (*cough* Yes. We’ve been eating in the office chairs, too. We know: Uncultured Philistines.) were easily found; a little more searching and parting with a bit of cash turned up a great big wardrobe with drawers, for much needed bedroom storage. We found and ordered all of these fine things for delivery, only to have them arrive in bits and pieces. D. got out a few tools, and went to work.

That Swedish Store has had just too much of an influence on the world at large. EVERYTHING seems to be flat-packed nowadays. Many stores offer a builder to assemble these products in your home, but as this is money many people don’t want to spend, on top of having just bought furniture, they determine that they can do it themselves. And the person of average intelligence usually can. Granted, the instructions might as well be written in Sanskrit, but trial and error generally brings things to a decent conclusion. It just may take a few hours. Or, days.

Woodlands Road 79

We will draw a veil over the muttered imprecations, the weighty boxes, the lost hinge screws and the big fat blister in D’s palm, and instead leave you with the pleasant images of a room or two that finally look like part of a residence instead of an office suite, and a hope that your weekend is filled with all the friends you want (or all the solitude you crave), wherever you are.


*FOR THE RECORD: D’s friend? Was born in Liverpool, England. So, we still haven’t had any Scots just “drop in,” and probably won’t. But, still. It was a surprise! A good one, but a surprise.

Oh, THE HORROR!

Lynedoch Crescent D 167

UGH.

You are all so nicely preparing yourselves for a lovely weekend. You are either rehearsing like mad, like our musician friends who are ministers of music and preparing for Easter services that will go on for the next seventy-two hours, or you are cooking like mad like our friends hosting big bunny bashes and Easter meals, or you’re lying down, contemplative, like our Jewish friends are, worn out from all the Passover, and preparing for the Sabbath.

Or, you’re like T., cleaning the bathroom and wondering why there are little gnats flying around in there when you threw away the flowers and cleaned out all the vases and swept up all the leaves from the floor. If you’re like T., you wonder if you got all of that decaying flower stuff from Tuesday when you swept, and you crouch down and look under the toilet, which juts out from the wall in what apparently was thought to be a cool and modern way by the architects, but just makes everyone T’s talked to worry it’s going to come crashing out of the wall every time they sit on it.

If you’re like T., you’re peering under the toilet, and then crawling backwards, rapidly, choking back the shriek of rage:

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! THERE’S A MUSHROOM GROWING UNDER THE TOILET?????

If you’re like T., you’d be saying to yourself, “Okay, calm down, calm down. Mushrooms grow everywhere in Scotland. They’re growing in the lawn in the garden out front, on all the trees, probably on the surface of the building, along with the moss. You’re lucky this year the growing thing isn’t mold on the floor pillows and in your leather shoes and wool coats, like the first year you moved here. A mushroom is nothing. A spore got in. You are not Slattern Housewife of the Year. Calm. Down.

If you’re like T., though, you would know that “calm down” crud wasn’t going to happen.

The short explanation is that some spores have flown in or been carried in with the flowers, and since it has been ridiculously cold again, and the steam has been condensing and dripping down the marble tiles which cover half the bathroom (another great architectural idea that in reality isn’t as great) there’s been water and a damp dark space in which to grow, which suits a mushroom perfectly.

The shorter explanation is the one where T. is slamming things down and sloshing cleaning products around until most of the house is smothered under an eye-stinging miasma of cleanliness, and muttering something unprintable. But you don’t get that one.

Yours in clouds of bleach,

D&T

So, Captain Kirk – where is he now?

Woodlands Road 25

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Yes, this will mark us as big ‘ol nerds, but last night we were wondering what William Shatner has been up to. The last we’d heard, he was doing spoken word poetry (and, if you don’t know what that is, well, watch his rendition of Sarah Palin). We thought, “hmm, wonder what it would be like to have him do … Alanis Morissette? Not the new stuff, which is all acoustic and tame, but … the angry stuff, like You Oughta Know.”

After a few attempts at doing our own performance (hey – it was late), we thought, why not put a shout out to him? So, dear captain: how’s about you take on Alanis? It can only be fabulous!

Huh? What?

Killer on the Back Seat

Only by getting to within about 3 feet could I determine that this was an advertisement for seat-belt usage. My other guess was going to be one about vehicle safety: like, when you come home, late at night, and get off the train … check the back seat?

The irony of taking this shot: there was a guy putting on a neon-bright jumpsuit, 2 cars down from this ad, apparently to go to work on the local roadway. Dunno. Suppose he’s worried about being run over? But, wait: he’s not going to be in your back seat unless you’re moving pretty fast … in reverse. Hmm.

Writing for Plagiarists

So, I got this email today (I removed their website, ’cause I’m certainly not advertising for them.), and I’m … having to really have a think about what it means:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to introduce vacancies of “Freelance Writer” at the Student Research Ltd. We are a leading provider of customised essays, reports, dissertations and exam answers to students. Despite recession and ongoing financial crisis we have experienced enormous growth in the last two years and are currently expanding our team of writers to meet additional demand for this academic year.

Once you are selected as a writer, we shall offer you essay writing work from time to time in your areas of expertise. It will be completely up to you if you want to accept a piece of work offered by us or not, thus giving you complete flexibility to take work according to your schedule. However once you have accepted a piece, you would be responsible for the following:

  • To complete the piece of work (i.e. an essay, report, dissertation etc.) undertaken by you on or before the agreed deadline and in accordance with the academic standard required (i.e. 1st Class, 2.1, 2.2).
  • To provide completely original work free of any form of plagiarism.
  • To complete any reasonable amendments requested by the client on the piece of work you have completed.

At the end of every month, you will be paid for all the work you have completed for that month. Working for us as a writer has the following benefits:

  • Earning potential of up to £2000 per month.
  • Excellent rates of pay, we normally pay £30-£40 per thousand words. This is based on a standard 2.1 essay. For higher academic standard or other special requirements rates are altered to reflect the changes. Sometimes we may also ask you to provide us a quotation for a particular piece.
  • Flexibility: You work from home, manage your own time and can take as much or as little work as you want.
  • You get to learn a lot while researching and writing on different topics in you areas of interest, thus increasing your knowledge and actually getting paid for it…!!!
  • All writer positions are Self-Employed and you will be responsible for your own tax.

We are a registered company and abide by the UK law and regulations. For more details about the services we provide, please visit our website:

XXXX.co.uk

 

Regards

Maria Thompson

HR

 

Student Research Limited

Registered in England and Wales No: 7013558.

Telephone: XXXX XXX XXX

Email: [email protected]

Web Address: XXXX.co.uk

 

STATEMENT OF CONFIDENTIALITY: This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the system manager. Please note that any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Finally, the recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

So, they’re asking me to work for them and to “provide completely original work free of any form of plagiarism.” For sale. To students. For them to submit as their own, original work. All at a rate of £0.03 – £0.04 per word, for writing a high-school essay.

Leaving aside the pay rate, I’m just wondering at the paradox in asking for a plagiarism-free essay which is written for the express purpose of, itself, being the victim of plagiarism. I understand that, yes, this company isn’t committing a crime. But, certainly, their clients intend to do so.

Puppies, Bears, and ….

Andrex Puppies

Why? Why is there a brand of Toilet Paper which has built their ad campaign around … puppies? We have asked this of people here, to be told “well, because, a puppy’s soft, innit?” Well, OK. Puppies … are soft. Exactly WHAT, though, does their softness have to do with anything of a toileting nature?

And dare we ask of what there are hundreds to choose? Puppies? Rolls of toilet paper?

The other alternative at our neighborhood Sainsbury, is to have an infant, dressed as a C.E.O. on the package. What does that say about what’s going to be taking place down there, hmm? OK, soft as a baby’s … sure, sure, but why is it soft as a baby dressed in a suit and tie?

No, it’s no better than that ghastly American brand of toilet paper with the bears sitting behind trees, reading newspapers, that we always muted. Toilet paper companies must be very hard up for advertising ideas all over. And don’t get us started on the NAME of the stuff: “Andrex.” Should you even have an x in a toilet paper name? Aren’t there rules against that? It sounds as if it were either related to Data from Star Trek, or were somehow related to a unisex toilet…


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THIS bear, now, we can understand. He’s there, so that we can (every Friday) donate to some charity, if we choose to “dress down.” Yep: Casual Friday=, you give £1 to a charity. It’s a shame, though, that somebody felt the need to infect this poor bear with such nasty diseases! I mean, really: pink and blue and green, seeping sores? That’s GOT to be something hideously infectious! Is it Swine Flu??

Yes, it’s the weekend, can you tell? The last bits of sanity have all gone swirling gently down the drain. What a week.

We are down to eight hours and eighteen minutes of daylight; the sun comes at nine minutes before eight, and goes down to full dark at eight minutes after four. Suffice it to say that we’ve been having trouble getting up and going to bed. Don’t know why, but it happens every single year. This is the dragging time that we experienced our first winter in Glasgow, which is why we’ve done our best to make sure we’re elsewhere for the last few worst weeks before Solstice. The light just drains down out of the day, and all we want to do is sleep.

Fortunately, our evil chiropractor has a great idea. T., has some functional issue with her spine/pelvis/hip, as the result of her gimpy joints, and has been prescribed a few visits with a Pilates instructor. Once our muscles are screaming (yes, OUR, she feels it’s fair game to drag along D.) we’ll have no problem hobbling to bed and falling out.

Getting up might be an even bigger problem, however.

Happy Weekend. Stay warm.