Riding in Cabs with Boors & Other Errata

Comic courtesy of Married to the Sea

You have now nearly made it through the week. Rejoice!

Of course, now that the weather is turning, it’s getting harder for people to GET to work. It’s wiiiiiindy right now, and the wee people of this city do not take kindly to being tossed about. Lines for the bus in the morning are quite long, and it’s standing room only, grim people cheek-by-jowl. And trying to get a cab can take forty-five minutes; the up-side is that we get to stand in the foyer of our building and chat with the neighbors while we practically press our noses against the glass and wait… and wait…

Since the bus company has hiked and hiked the fares in the three years we’ve lived here, we actually find it less expensive to take a cab when we can’t walk to our destination. To us, that seems a bit insane, as the point of public transportation, one would think, would be to get individual cars off the road, but somehow the city hasn’t quite gotten the same memo.

Charing Cross 508 HDR

While riding the bus does in fact some days give one a slice of city life that one would not otherwise touch with a ten foot pole, riding in cabs has its own special… funkiness. Namely in the form of …er, occasionally throat-closing funk. And there we shall draw a veil.

Other than malodorous drivers, the second most common pitfall of riding in cabs in the city is the fractious temperament of some of the drivers.

Now, one expects a driver to be somewhat of a people person — in that one has to ferry people about all day. (T. disagrees – one does not have to be a people person to drive people; merely an individual who knows six ways to get to the same place. Case in point: T’s dad. Formerly a Muni driver – currently a cranky introvert with a good sense of direction.) However, since bus drivers in the UK are in their own wee cages, away from the general hoi polloi (and sometimes on the phone!!!!), some don’t find it necessary to even acknowledge the people in the bus. This is actually just fine, what with the rest of the sturm und drang of humanity and the mini-dramas going on in the seats, the driver is quite welcome to his lofty solitude, and the rest of us only wish at times that we could share it.

Charing Cross 354

A cab driver, however, is sitting within five feet of the passengers (or much closer, if it’s a standard car and not a hansom cab), and despite usually being on the phone as well (which is illegal, yes, but it doesn’t faze anyone here as far as we can tell), or having the radio on to some extremely loud, hip hop music (or, worse, bad country), football game (or people arguing about the calls a coach made on a football game. Or rehashing the drafting of players for football — can you tell these people love their sport?) or singing in a lounge singer-y fashion (happens more often than we want to acknowledge), usually interacts with us, whether we want interaction or not. And really, it’s sort of inevitable.

When we first arrived in this country, the interactions were usually funny – nosy questions, mocking of our “Hollywood accents,” snickers when we bungled pronunciation (“It’s not Sauchie Hall, lass. It’s Socky hall! [Sauchiehall]), and the inevitable comparisons on weather – California vs. Glasgow. Sometimes the discussions were political (especially when we first arrived) and we were treated to rants on GW, or, during the election, enthusiastic support in broken English for Mr. Obama, and sometimes philosophical and interesting, and we were disappointed when the ride was over. However, there have always been the sniping remarks. Personal sneering about our clothes, about our destination, about the fact that “back in my day, we just hoofed it up to University,” (Yes, well, back in your day perhaps you weren’t carrying zucchini bread for your entire department, plus your laptop and a camera and a tripod and all your books, but whatever), etc. Just lately it’s been about the time of day we call the cab.

Sauchiehall Street 2

D., as a student, has a flexible work schedule with his office at Skypark, and spends a lot of time working from home, logging time for phone conversations and quick fixes he does on the days he’s not actually supposed to be working, and generally doing his best to appease his [insert adjectives here] boss. The days he actually goes in he’s sometimes quite early, and other times goes in a bit later than everyone else, but he puts in a certain amount of hours, and that’s that. It’s what tech guys do. Apparently it does not meet with the approval of certain cabbies.

Just the other day, D. got a dressing-down for going in to work late. Seriously. The driver acted as if he were doing this massive favor just by stopping at the house instead of driving aimlessly with no fares, and proceeded to lambaste D. about nothing in particular, and then snarl, “What time are you supposed to be in, anyway?” To which D. replied, “Whenever I get there.”

Well, that set him off all over again. “‘Tis all right for some,” he sniffed, and with much eyerolling and profanity stewed and spat the rest of the ride.

One of D’s coworkers reports being dressed down for her makeup and being driven out of her way, to a dicey part of town, and threatened with being let out there since that was where her kind lived. Which is really enough to terrify one into walking. (Hello? Sociopaths Anonymous???)

Woodlands Road 86

Inasmuch as it is really sort of spirit-bruising to start one’s day with criticism and sniping and traffic and horn-blowing and general boorishness from total a stranger, we both have decided that it’s not only dangerous but really foolish to respond in kind. A.) There’s no point in fighting with strangers, as it just makes you cranky, and B.) Plato’s aphorism, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle,” has never been more true, plus there’s the whole Golden Rule thing. Impersonal malice is much more easily ignored with that in mind.

There are at least three major cab companies in the city, and the drivers who are “shirty” and pugnacious aren’t from any particular company… so, we sometimes wonder if this is a.) just a city thing, b.) just a Glaswegian thing, c.) just a Scottish thing? Having lived in the ‘burbs and the States all of our lives prior to this time, we just have no idea. Any thoughts from knowledgeable urbanites very welcome!


We might as well start a TV series called Stuff My Choir Master Bellows, because what we hear there is loads better than any nonsense either of our fathers say. This past week, Sir Nearly Knighted was at his melodramatic best – striding up the aisle, mocking the second altos (which seems to be a favorite pastime), flinging himself to his desk over the tenors (“Tenors! You’re killing me! You’re singing with such long faces!” to which they protested, “It’s a requiem man!”), and glaring at the sopranos. His best line from the whole night was when we were going over a piece in the Cherubini where the sopranos missed reading the dynamic and muffled what was meant to be a very loud entry.

He glared up at the sopranos again and bellowed, “Libera eras! Libera! That means, “save your servants!” Not, “‘Och, weel, God, and if you get a moment, could you gie us a wee hand with things down here!'”

We really wish you could have heard the thick accent he put on for that. Sometimes we’re tempted to record rehearsals, but that’s a bit intrusive and rude and beyond the pale even for us, so we’ll content ourselves with still pictures sometime soon!

Haggis Potato Chips

Meanwhile, the Met Office has proclaimed this weekend to be the most glorious weekend of Indian summer (which truly — TRULY begs the question. There were never any Indians here, and the South Asian transplants don’t count on this one, so why is it called Indian Summer in the UK?? According to this helpful phrase site, “The English already had names for the phenomenon – St. Luke’s Summer, St. Martin’s Summer or All-Hallown Summer, but these have now all but disappeared and, like the rest of the world, the term Indian summer has been used in the UK for at least a century.” Once again, the U.S. exports popular culture…), and that we should brace ourselves for a horrific time until March. As we’re still waiting for the faithfully promised “bbq summer” the Met Office forecast for us two summers ago, we’ll cheerfully go on ignoring their advisories, but do plan to have Foraging Weekend II on Cumbrae Isle again, rain or shine. There’s been a good frost or two, and it’s time to go and get those rose hips/haws!

T’s been having a brief flirtation with Greek, Turkish, and Cypriot foods and cultures, in service of her newest middle grade novel, and so we’re eating lots of “kebabs,” (aka “kabobs,”) tomatoes, olives, yogurt, cucumbers and olive oil as well as imagining some really fabulous desserts. T’s found a Turkish doughnut recipe that uses rose hip syrup and is eager to try a fairly common autumn “hedgerow recipe” of apple and rose hip jelly. Meanwhile D’s in the mood for bagels, and Axel’s parents have given us their kitchen for the weekend. Interesting photos sure to follow.

Finally, enjoy the horror that is haggis-flavored crisps. Axel complains they “weren’t even very haggis-y.” One would think he would be just a bit glad of this.

Happy Weekend.

Um, Remember What We Said About the Food of Evil Cupcakes?

…About how the whole tiny-bites-of-frosting-in-annoying-paper thing is seriously out of control in the way a trend can only be when influenced by both our memories of classroom birthday parties, and the saccharine gushing of celebrity chefs? Part of the charm of the cupcake is the pastel link to childhood — but overexposure makes everything lose its charm. EVERYTHING. To wit: behold, The Electric Cupcake Maker.

You know that phrase “jump the shark?” It’s not just for TV shows anymore. The cupcake thing is OFFICIALLY out of control.

Six silicone cupcake “cases.” Little flashy lights. Ten minutes “and not an oven in sight.” Insane, isn’t it? You cannot find a decent bloomin’ waffle iron for love or money around here, but a cupcake iron? We’ve totally got your back on that one.

Foodies are just the weirdest people sometimes.

Image courtesy of Lakeland

Links

Another week’s worth of links for you. Of particular note this week are a two studies: Smarter Teams Are More Sensitive, Have More Women? and Empathy’s failures. They’re both interesting in and of themselves, but they’re also interesting because they demonstrate that our beliefs about how society functions are flawed: the first demonstrates that group intelligence isn’t a simple matter of getting a bunch of smart people together, the second demonstrates a paradox in how criminal punishments are meted out. Have a peruse through and let me know what you think.
Continue reading “Links”

Culinary, Quite Contrary

Not that T. would admit it or anything, but food blogger Gluten Free Girl is HER kind of girl. GFG’s …contrary. Not only for avoiding wheat products – she spends her days quietly avoiding the same social things T. avoids, which are generally the things most normal people enjoy.

In high school, for T. it was Mel Gibson movies. Now everyone else sees the wisdom in avoiding them (and him)? While T. – who actually saw him in person on a street in Vancouver when she was seventeen – was unwittingly an early adapter nonconformist. Culinarily, if that’s a word, it took us years and years to get one of those silicone baking mats, when everyone and their dog had one. For awhile the food blogger world was all agog over Jaimie Oliver, salted caramel everything, and cupcakes, bloody cupcakes. You’ll note that no more than a passing mention of that has made it to this blog. T. looks at trend-setting things, and says, “Yeah, they’re cute. Meh.” And D. has a fairly virulent distaste for all things Oliver and an eclectic desire for random recipes that are old, require strange Devices, or the use of a crank and lightning at midnight. We’re erratic and oblivious and that’s the usual state of things.

Kale Chips 1.2

So, when Gluten Free Girl talked about avoiding films like Forrest Gump (…Been there), Rain Man (…done that), and never watching The West Wing (…and have the T-shirt) and skipping culinary trends like roasted kale chips, T. gloried in the sensation of finding a woman after her own heart. And yet – last Wednesday T. got one of those best-friend emails that made confrontation unavoidable.

“Have you ever tried it?” was the innocent question.

Well, no. Heck, no! NEVER!

(But one does try so hard to look like a well-balanced, prudent person in public.) “Well, not yet – but how does Friday sound?” T. decided to reply.

As much as we love kale around these parts, it seemed stupid to not at least try it. And after some hemming and hawing and checking out Gluten Free Girl‘s take on the recipe as well as Smitten Kitchen’s T. decided on an approach.

Kale Chips 1.5

We would have preferred to use plain kale for this, but it’s not really deep into kale season here, for some reason, and the only way it’s available at Sainsbury’s, anyway, is pre-washed and pre-chopped in bag form. Not the way we want to deal with it, but since the recipe calls for tearing or chopping it into bite-sized pieces, it’s a way to begin. We used two bags of kale, which come in 200 gram bags… normally that’s a cup or seven and a half ounces, but with kale it was about five cups of springy kaleish goodness. (Most recipes call for about four cups, packed.)

We lined a bowl with paper towel and blotted the water from the kale, turning it and ruffling it with our hands. We went through and removed all of the stems (they don’t turn into chips – they’re wood, people). We then pulled out the paper and measured two tablespoons of olive oil into the bowl. T. massaged the oil into the greens.

At this point, some recipes advise the use of salt. We chose not to do this. 1.) Because we never salt food before it’s cooked, and 2.) Because salt removes water from vegetables, and if you salt before you roast, how do you know if you’ve used too much salt until it’s far too late? We also planned to use our Patented Popcorn Herb Blend on the kale, so chose to simply roast the veg. We turned the oven on to about 250°F/125°C and put the timer on for thirty-five minutes. And then we watched the oven like hawks. Depending on your greens, thirty-five minutes can be too long, and for the first time through this process, we wanted to be sure.

Kale Chips 1.6

We pulled the pans out frequently, and at one point dumped the greens out and ruffled our fingers through them and put them back onto the pan. At such a low temp, the roasting took place in roughly twenty-eight minutes, and we were happy with what they looked like. We dusted them with the PPH blend and a bit of salt, and sampled. Hmm. We shook a few of the smaller pieces through a cooling rack and set them aside to grind and use WITH the PPH Blend. We sampled some more. And some more …

You know, the world is not always kind to innovators. Who was the first person who said, “Hey, let’s take the wizened grain of this maize plant and put it over fire and watch it explode, ricochet all around, and then let’s eat the white stuff that appears next?” Or, imagine the first person to decide that cacti would be really awesome if they could just strip off the spines? Or, T’s favorite question of all time, who decided to eat the round whitish thing that came out of that bird’s backside? There are some really improbable foods in the world. Kale chips are one of them. You might consider trying them, though. Not that we’re going to talk about it all day or anything. We’re not on any food bandwagon, here. But they’re good, in a totally non-conformist way.

Just sayin’.

BUT BE WARNED. Remember how we said we’d taken two bags of kale to make this? We munched our way, reading and writing email and blah, blah, blah, with hand moving to mouth (and to towel to keep the keyboard reasonably clean) over and over again… and then remembered: That was five cups of kale in each bag. Kids: that’s a lot of fiber. DRINK a few QUARTS of water, and put the rest of the tasty crunchies away.

No, do it NOW. Or you will be very, very sorry…

-D & T

A Scone is Not A Biscuit, And Other Friday Observations

You know you’ve made it in the world of volunteer culinary when you start getting requests.

He says, “Wouldja make me some of those cheese scones? Like m’grandmother used to make?”

Cheese Scones 1

While it’s all very well to be asked to make something, no one in the world is ever going to measure up to a grandmother’s baking. Anyone’s grandmother’s baking. (Except maybe T’s; she begs her family to remember the red velvet cake. ::shudder::)

D. put off the scones with a box of Kahlúa brownies, which were an excuse for T. to decorate them with little gold balls and make the individual pieces look like dominoes (no pictures of those, sadly – they vanished), but after a cranky complaint from a dieting coworker, D. woke up Friday morning with the idea of a savory treat in his head – one the coworker didn’t like, and wouldn’t eat.

Cheese scones it was.

The recipe was somewhat of a surprise. D. did a bit of research, starting with the redoubtable Cynthia’s blog, Tastes Like Home, visiting the BBC Food page and passing by The Fresh Loaf for more inspiration. He did a lot of muttering. “What? Eggs?” he exclaimed. “Who puts eggs in biscuits?” We quickly learned that a scone is not a biscuit, no matter how similar they might appear to be. After a bit of poking around, we finally settled on a little input from each recipe blog, and roughed out a recipe that went something like this:

Sharp Cheese Scones

Cheese Scones 4

  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 1/2 tbsp of baking powder plus 1/2 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/2 stick butter
  • 1 large egg
  • 2 tbsp whole milk
  • 1 cup strong cheddar, grated plus 1/3 c. finely grated Parmesan
  • 1/3 tsp salt
  • 2 tsp mustard
  • 1 tbsp. dried chives, optional
  • Pinch of Cayenne pepper, optional
  1. Combine dry ingredients – flour, salt and pepper.
  2. With a fork, cut in the butter and when thoroughly combined, mix in the grated cheese.
  3. In a separate bowl, beat the egg. Add in the milk; add mixture to the dry ingredients to create a soft, elastic dough.
  4. Roll out the mixture on a lightly floured surface. Cut into round shapes and place on a well greased tray.
  5. Bake in a pre-heated oven in the center rack at 350° for fifteen minutes, or until golden brown.

We differed briefly on the method of cutting the scones. T. is a drop-biscuit kind of gal, and D’s mother always cut them out, so he does, too. For the scones, T. wanted to have the wedge-shaped type, which are simply cut with a wet knife, and D. wasn’t having it. Compromise was reached by having a little of both.

Cheese Scones 8

Though the dough was somewhat obstreperous – from the butter being dug out from the freezer and grated – the scones were almost as easy as biscuits, and smelled scrumptious when they were baking. They looked lovely, but after a taste test, T. was only “meh” about them. “They’re …buttery,” she said, and made a face. (T. does not like the buttery. Does not like the short. Does not like shortening bread, shortbread cookies, or pie crust. We know. We deal with her as we do all the insane: we speak gently to her and let her gnaw on celery like she wants.) D. was “meh” about them because he felt they should be spicier. We loaded the scones up to take them to our British Tasting Audience. Several Irishmen, a bunch of Scots men and women and a few gents from the Commonwealth countries of India and Africa were to be our victims subjects. What would they say?

Reactions were gratifying. Most of the British Tasting Audience (BTA) were excited to find the scones still warm. Several made gleeful remarks about their grandmothers, and moved to surround the plate where they lay. (Not the grandmothers. The scones. Stay with us, here.)

The original requester of the scones described them as “perfect,” which was a happy event – apparently D. is every bit as good a baker as his grandmother in at least one thing. And then, some of the BTA found the scones “spicy.” We can assure you that no more than a quarter teaspoon of Cayenne was added, so the word “spicy” in this context made T., who douses her food with Cholula at every opportunity, lie down on the floor and weep. However! The highest compliment was paid by D’s boss, who is a grinch-hearted grump before ten a.m. when the “trolley” comes by with sandwiches, bagels, and scones for elevenses. D. can rarely speak to his boss before that hour, and today — today his boss skipped the trolley and ate two scones. A happy, reasonable man prior to ten a.m.! (Well, a happy man, anyway. Let’s not push things.)

We’re still not sure if it was our recipe or the way we made the scones or what, but while this wasn’t a favorite for either one of us, they were passably good (and go well under beans, as if one was having beans on toast). D. is excited to have found a lemon rosemary scone recipe, while T. is pretty sure that scones are just made to be eaten with jam. Lots and lots of jam… and she saw a recipe that has the jam baked in on top. Experiments will follow!

The BTA is actually pleased to know that D. takes requests, and is plotting something else for him to make. Meanwhile, D. is not resting on his laurels, but is instead wondering how to make pierógi…

Cheese Scones 6

See Yez After. All Right?

Andrex Puppies

Along with “pal,” two of the recurring phrases we hear around Glasgow are, “see yez after” and “all right?”

“Yez” is, of course, a variant of “youse,” which is that lovely Brooklyn-esque way of indicating you in the plural. It struck as so amazing to hear so many Glaswegians sound … like they were from the Bronx or something with that “youse” going on. (Choir humor struck during this week’s rehearsal as the bases caroled the last notes of Chestnuts: The Christmas Song. “Merry Christmas, to yoooouse,” they wailed, and we all broke up. It was truly dreadful.)

When one says “see yez after,” it equates roughly to one saying, “see you later,” except that in our case, it’s been said by the taxi driver, a gentleman delivering packages, by the plumber, and by the guy coming to check our gas. While it’s true that we may, indeed, see them at some other point … would we remember? Would they? Reflexively polite comments are always so strange.

When one hears “All right?” one might be tempted to answer, “Yes,” but it is in fact a greeting, roughly translated to, “how are you?” It’s occasionally heard in its variant form, “y’all right?” or “Ye aw right?” Thus, we observe the evolution of a phrase (and come to understand how it could exist).

As indicated previously, the correct answer is not to say “Yes” to that query. The correct response is to give a short nod and return the phrase. Or, if you’re us, nod and say brightly, “How are you?” and ignore the fact that you feel silly not knowing what to say.

Story of our lives, really.


We’re already down to only 11 hours of daylight, and it’s just a week past equinox. We’ve had our first frost, and can see our breath when we’re out in the morning or evening.

We’re getting the feeling there ought to be some kind of …ritual involved in this time of year. We ought to be doing something to mark the change. T. suggested digging out the scarves and making sure there weren’t any “moth squishies” gnawing on them.

Somehow this is not what D. had in mind.

-D & T

Royal (Pain in the Posterior) Mail

Today’s comic was just simply too appropriate to pass by. This morning we’ve been next door to pick up a package, and have had another neighbor come by to give us some flowers which were misdelivered to Number Fifteen. The flowers sat for a couple of days until they got around to letting us know, and the package from next door had been there for a week!

You see, we live on the “first floor,” but the flat numbers don’t correspond to the buzzer by the front door. So, in order to get us, you must press buzzer #3. That means that we’re routinely told that nobody was home, despite the fact that we’ve posted a handy little guide next to the buzzers which explains which flat goes with which buzzer.

D. has spoken with the route supervisor about our troubles, and the supervisor’s response was to curse up a storm about how illiterate his postmen are. It would be funny, except it’s not, really. Not at all.

In our next flat, we’ll be looking for someplace which is sensible enough 1) to have the buzzers match up to the flat numbers, and 2) which doesn’t have a “street,” “crescent,” and “place” all within several blocks! Not only will that make getting our mail easier, but we’ll have hopes of having the cab drivers know where we live when we call a cab: we’ve had several drivers sit around for 15 minutes or so on the “place” version of our “crescent” and finally telephone us. It’s gets a bit old, that.

Technically, it’s not the RM’s fault at all nor is it the cab company’s – after all, they’re not the ones who named the streets. But it is a bit alarming that they have to take exams in order to drive the routes and deliver. Maybe the crescent is new enough (Georgian times weren’t that long ago, right?) that it wasn’t on any test.

Of course, we are counting our blessings. It could be worse, as always. Just up the way from us are the “Park” streets:

  1. Park Avenue
  2. Park Circus
  3. Park Circus Lane
  4. Park Circus Place
  5. Park Drive
  6. Park Gardens
  7. Park Gate
  8. Park Quadrant
  9. Park Street South
  10. Park Terrace
  11. Park Terrace East Lane
  12. Park Terrace Lane

No, we’re not kidding.

Hope you get the mail today.

-D & T

They Call It Bramble Jelly

Blackberry Jelly 1

It’s tough to add as much sugar to blackberries as they need without, to our mind, totally ruining the taste of the blackberries. Jams and jellies simply need a lot of sugar in order for such acidic stuff to gel. What to do? We use a.) agar, which is seaweed flakes, or b.) pectin, if we can find an unsulphured version (which we cannot so far around here) or c.) we use cornstarch, which is our absolute last resort to make a jelly, because the texture is subtly like pie-filling instead of jelly then.

Of course, if that was what you were planning to do with the blackberries anyway, well, then, you’re well on your way. If not: just know that blackberries around here are tart! So, jelly may be the best option.

We started this post ages ago, and never did actually get to slotting in all of the pictures, because we’re not very happy with the look of the jam. Something we did made it not as clear as it could be – the boil was off somehow. No matter – we’ve had our first frost, and as soon as it quits raining for five minutes, we’re going to find that patch of rose hips…

EDITED TO ADD:

Blackberry Jelly 5

This is the pic we didn’t post – as you can see, the jelly is not clear purple. Bubbles formed in it, so it’s cloudy. Bah. We have tons, though, and it is tart-sweet and we’ll be using it layered at the bottom of apple pie, right on the crust, and then the apples go on top. Blackberries and apples go really well together.